Happy? M.YG X BTS

18

TW! GRAPHIC DISCRIPTIONS OF SELF HARM

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The sight of the bright red blood staining his hands did not help the way Yoongis mind was running right now. His thoughts of "God you're so stupid, you ruined the whole practice you fat fuck" and "I'm really that worthless. Can't even get one practice done with without fucking up" shifted to how he could punish himself for this mistake.  How the blade could sing across his skin and take these thoughts away. 

But he didn't have his blade. So he gathered his bearings as quickly as he could, muttering 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' through quickly growing tears as he stood up and rushed out of the room, sprinting down the long hallways to the farthest bathroom 

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Namjoon stared at Hoseok in shock. He knew that Hoseok could lose his temper but Yoongi had barely made a mistake, and corrected it in time that if they were at a performance, fans probably wouldn't have noticed. The hits he had landed left everyone in the room a bit shocked, though none were strangers to this violence they had made Yoongi endure for years now. 

namjoon spaced out for a moment, thinking, How long has he ignored how far the others take it? Who was he to decide it was okay in the first place? How could he let someone he loves be beaten into submission like that? 

... loves?...

By the time Namjoon snapped out of the stupor he was in, Yoongi had already ran out of the room. Barely sparing another glance at Hoseok now, who was already smiling and giggling with Taehyung and Jungkook, Namjoon rushed out of the room after Yoongi.

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The cold of the floor felt like it instantly crept into his bones when Yoongi slammed the door shut and slid down against it. His breathing was rapid and his eyesight was cloudy as he rocked himself back and forth for a moment, trying desperately to calm down. 

When that didn't work, and the sickly sweet voices made their way to the front of his mind, Yoongi jolted forward. He was rumbling through the sink cabinet, looking for anything he could use to make these whispers go away, anything he could use to bring that momentary bliss. 

His hands land on bottles of cleaning supplies, storage bags, and extra soaps, but nothing sharp. Feeling the desperation climb farther up his throat, he grabs his wrist and scratches harshly, then digs his nails in, hard. He can feel the pull as scabs pop under the pressure, and finally he feels a hint of the pain he's been searching for. Blood wells up as he reopens some of the deeper cuts. 

It clears his mind just the slightest, but only enables him to hurt himself further. He reaches back under the sink, pulling out the rubbing alcohol. Fumbling, he opens the cap and pours it onto his wrist, hands shaking as he does. The stinging hits quickly, enough so that he drops the bottle. Hissing in a sharp breath,  he picks up the bottle and stuffs it back under the sink before leaning back on the door and relishing in the clearness of his mind now that he could feel the sweet stinging on his wrist. 

His peace is quickly interrupted by Namjoon knocking on the door, softly calling to Yoongi.

"Yoongi, are you okay? Can I come in?"

Yoongis eyes widen as he hears him, realizing just how vulnerable he is in this moment and how bad it could be if Namjoon found out he was doing this again. Would he leave him alone again? He only just got one friend back, will he lose him this fast again? Is this the fuck up that will forever turn him away? 

Before he can sink into his thoughts, Yoongi jumps up, almost falling back down from the head rush. He frantically grabs toilet paper and dabs the blood off his wrist and hands, before pivoting back to the floor to wipe up the rubbing alcohol he had spilt. "I'm okay Namjoon, I just need a minute..." he said through the door. Throwing the wet toilet paper away, he puts the rubbing alcohol onto the sink. He knows it'll smell, and he can't having Namjoon knowing what happened. 

Turning back towards the door, Yoongi faints. 

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Namjoon sighs as he hears Yoongi say that he's okay. He debates just trying to open the door right then and there, but he doesn't want to push his luck. 'I don't want to drive him away again he thinks. But, as he hears shuffling and then a loud thump, he decides that he needs to go in. 

Ripping open the door, Namjoon immediately falls to his knees to try to wake Yoongi up. For a moment he is really, really scared, because Yoongi wouldn't wake up. Then, quicker than he thought possible, Yoongis eyes shot open. Their eyes locked for a moment, staring straight into each other's souls, before Yoongi sat up. 

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Hope you guys are liking the new updates! 

Im trying to do longer chapters, do yall prefer long or short chapters?

I'll have another chapter up within the week! 

Hope you all are having an amazing day, week, month, year!