Love on Trial

Chapter 9: Friend

A’ishah's POV

December approached us in no time. Who would've thought that I'd last more than 6 months in the Philippines without actually feeling the urge to go back to London?

Our life in the Philippines has been quiet and peaceful for some reason. I think I'm slowly getting used to not having my father around. I'm not even thinking of him anymore.

I admit, minsan namimiss ko siya. Daddy ko ‘yon eh. He's the only man I've ever loved. But it doesn't change the fact that he's also the man who broke my heart.

Sa mga unang buwan namin sa Pilipinas, I barely see my mother. Minsan hindi siya umuuwi rito sa bahay nila Nicole. Kapag i-tetext ko siya, she will tell me not to worry. And that she's just busy.

But even after her constant reassurance, I still feel worried. She lost so much weight, at lumalaki yung eyebags niya. I could tell that the nightmare my father had given her wouldn't let her sleep at all.

I feel sorry for her but I can't do anything. Kasi ako rin biktima. Ako rin naaapektuhan sa gulo ng pamilya.

But I don't show her that. Laluna ngayon at December na. Her sadness from the past first few months in the Philippines has doubled now.

Kita ko sa mga mata niya na mas malungkot siya ngayon kasi ito ang unang beses na magpapasko kami nang hindi kami kumpleto. I can't blame her. Nalulungkot din ako. Especially now that I'm feeling that mom is slowly drifting away from me.

I have lost a father because of his own wrongdoings. I can't afford to lose a mother because of the same reason.

I stared out the window of Nicole's house, watching the Christmas lights flicker from the nearby houses. Nakaramdam ako ng konting lungkot, pero tinulak ko na lang ‘yun sa likod ng isip ko. What's the point of dwelling on things that hurt?

"A’ishah, okay ka lang?" Nicole’s voice broke my thoughts as she entered my room, sitting beside me on the bed. I forced a smile, nodding.

"Yeah, I’m fine." I replied. "Just thinking about... stuff.”

She tilted her head, her eyes softening. Nicole had been nothing but kind since we moved in. "Alright. If you ever need to talk, I’m here, okay?”

I sighed, leaning back on the bed, pulling my knees to my chest. "Thanks, Nicole. I guess... I just miss him sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't."

Nicole nodded slowly, not pushing for details. She already knows that I'm talking about my father. "It’s normal. Kahit na nasaktan ka, he’s still your dad. Hindi basta-basta mawawala ‘yun." Her voice was gentle, understanding.

"Yeah, but it feels weird. Like I’m angry at him, pero I also want him to be here. I want him to make things right... for me and for my mom." I paused, feeling the tightness in my chest grow heavier.

This is the first time I voice out my true feelings about our family. I have always kept it in me, because I don't wanna seem weak, or desperate.

Having my closest best friend with me right now, I can't help but to let my thoughts out. Kasi kung hindi ko pa gagawin ngayon, baka sumabog na ako.

"But I know that’s not going to happen. He made his choice." I chuckled bitterly.

Nicole wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "You’re stronger than you think, A’ishah. Look at you now. You've made it this far kahit na ang dami mong pinagdaanan. And your mom, kahit na hindi mo siya nakikita madalas, I’m sure she’s trying her best too. You both are.” She said softly, rubbing my arm gently.

I nodded, appreciating her words, but part of me wished things were different. I wished my mom could lean on me more, that we could face this together instead of dealing with it separately. I missed her, even when she was just a few rooms away.