BLINDED BY LOVE

GUILT

Pon looked at his own shadow on the ground, because of the angle of the light, this shadow was small, just a tiny blob.

So many years had passed, he had grown taller through hard work, finally able to look at Sailub eye to eye.

But his shadow was still small, as if exposing his cowardice and weakness over the years.

He calmly retorted, “Why do you say I’m not doing well?”

Sailub’s eyelashes flickered.

He couldn’t come up with a definitive piece of evidence.

But how could one not see whether their beloved was doing well or not.

When they met at the banquet that day, he was so shocked to see Pon under the spotlight that his brain felt like a rusty machine, replaying memories over and over again, unable to think about the present.

Stuck in the cramped back seat with Pon, his heart was in turmoil, not knowing what to say.

Pon said he was doing well.

So he just went along with what Pon said, as long as Pon was fine.

If you’re fine, then it’s fine.

But he thought about it carefully afterwards, replaying every moment of that day in his mind, and he felt that Pon didn’t seem to be doing well.

People who were doing well wouldn’t look like this.

If Pon had been happy these past eight years, how could he have transformed from a cheerful and sunny youth into his current gloomy and indifferent self.

Before he left, Pon would hide in his arms, laughing sweeter than anyone else in the world.

But he couldn’t say that, it would sound like an accusation.

He just said softly, “After meeting you again that day, I asked my friends about the address of your company. I often parked my car near your company, sometimes for the whole day. I’m sorry, I know this behavior is wrong, but I couldn’t help wanting to see you more. But it’s been many days, I’ve seen you coming and going at the company, but I haven’t seen you smile much.”

In fact, even staying in the same hotel today wasn’t accidental.

He happened to be visiting a teacher here, but when he said goodbye to the teacher and saw Pon’s name registered at the front desk, he stood at the corner, waiting for Pon to take the elevator before going to check in himself.

He said, “If you were happy, why would you be in this state?”

Pon didn’t refute.

He looked at Sailub
.
After so many years, Sailub stood in front of him, still carrying the shadow of the silent and reserved young man from back then.

Sailub’s gaze towards him was the same as it was in that old rundown apartment.

He still remembered the white walls of the apartment, the blue checkered tiles in the bathroom, Sailub’s gray sofa, he bought a carrot pillow to put on it, the style didn’t match the serious and cold room, but Sailub always washed it clean for him.
Sailub said he wasn’t doing well.

But from the moment he saw Sailub, he also felt that this person didn’t seem as carefree and cheerful as he was when he was nameless and destitute.

Thinking of this, Pon laughed self-deprecatingly.

Sailub didn’t care whether Pon was doing well or not.

After leaving him, Sailub clearly rose to great heights, so how could he be considered pitiful?