All That She Needs

Part 11 : Asha

It was already very late when I got home. I kicked off my heels, and they landed with a thud. I shrugged off my coat and draped it over the couch. I couldn't care less about the mess—I was too tired, both physically and emotionally, to do anything about it. I headed to the kitchen, wanting something strong to help me sleep. I rarely drink, but Aiden loved it. He had a few bottles stored in the kitchen cupboards, and some in his office. I decided to check the kitchen first.

"Mom," a voice startled me in the dark, making me jump. I swirled around and found Kayden standing there with a carton of chocolate milk in one hand and an empty glass in the other.

"God, you scared me," I said, rubbing my chest to calm my racing heart. I walked over to my son, suddenly feeling the urge to hug him tight. "Hi, honey." I wrapped my arms around him and rubbed his back. At sixteen, Kayden was already much taller than me—almost as tall as his dad at six-foot-two. I looked up at him. "How's your day?"

"It's okay," he said, letting me seek warmth and comfort from him. My children knew I always needed to hug them, to constantly touch them, and they still let me kiss their cheeks or the tops of their heads, even though they were already teenagers. I needed that connection like I needed to breathe, and they loved me enough to give it freely to me. "Could be better."

I pulled away and gently grabbed his jaw, searching his face for any sign of distress. "What happened?"

"Nothing important. Just not in a good mood." He stepped away, placing the milk and glass on the kitchen counter before pouring himself a drink. I waited until he finished the entire glass before speaking again.

"You'll tell me if something's bothering you, right?" He nodded as he swallowed the last drop. "Especially if what's bothering you involves me."

Kayden's eyes widened at that, and he sighed. "How do you always know? It's impossible to keep anything from you."

"What is it, Kay? Tell me."

"It's nothing, really. You'll find out soon anyway."

"Kay."

"I just... I've been thinking a lot lately."

"About what, honey?"

He was quiet for a moment, then lifted his gaze to meet mine. The pain in his beautiful green eyes was so real, so raw, that it broke me.

"Mom," he began, and as the word left his lips, the way he called me, I felt my eyes begin to burn. My instinct telling me that I would need to pray for the strength to hear what he was about to say. "It's okay."

My lips started to tremble. My entire body began to shake. Oh, God. What's going on? My throat began to choke so much that I had to push the words out. "What do you mean?"

He swallowed hard before he spoke. "It's okay if you want to leave him." I stared at his sad expression, feeling tears spill from my eyes and down my cheeks, and I couldn't hold them back anymore. "We can't live with him like this, Mom. He won't stop hurting us. He didn't care. I love you, Mom. If you're happy, I'm happy."

"Kayden," I sobbed, pinching my eyes close as my shoulders shook uncontrollably.

"Let him go to her. He wants to be with her." My eyes snapped back at him as I gasped in shock. How the fuck did he know?

"Kayden, I –"

"I know, Mom. I know everything. I'm very good with computers, remember? I hacked into Dad's phone conversations. His emails too. Both office and personal. I even hacked into hers. So, yeah. I know everything. Probably more than you do."

I was stumped. I really didn't know what to say. My heart was bleeding for my son. He shouldn't have to go through this. My marital problems shouldn't be his concern. He should be concentrating on thriving at school, having fun with his friends and living a life happy and carefree.

"And I told him, just now. I told him that I know everything. Because I'm already so sick of him. And I told him that I believe you know too, but you just didn't want to confront him." I covered my mouth with my hand because I was sobbing even harder. "I know that you tried to be strong because you love him. You love him too much and he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve it, Mom."

"I did it for you too, honey. For you and Chloe."

"I know." He sighed. "But you don't have to. He stepped away from us. He neglected us. He was away more than when he was home, and when he was home, he moped around the house, only thinking about his own feelings. He never cared how much it hurt us."

"He loves his children, Kayden. He loves you so much, you must know that."

"Maybe," Kayden shrugged. "But it doesn't mean anything if he still chose to neglect us."

"He's here, Kayden. He chose us. It was hard for him, but he came back. He's trying. We have to give him a chance." Even as the words left my mouth, doubt began to creep in. Did he really come back if his mind and heart were still with her? Did he choose us, or was it her decision that brought him back?

"Either way, Mom, you need to let him go. Probably..." Kayden hesitated, his eyes filled with sadness, fully aware of the pain his words would cause. "Probably he'll be happier if he's with her."

I recoiled at that. Kayden was right. I had never thought about it that way. As much as it hurt, Aiden couldn't help who he fell in love with. He made terrible mistakes in how he handled it—hurting me, hurting his children—but I loved him. I wanted him to be happy. And with him here, stuck between us and her, no one was benefiting.

"Okay." I nodded to myself, trying to absorb the weight of Kayden's words. "Okay." I gently cupped my son's cheek, my heart swelling with love for him. "When did you become so wise, Kayden? You grew up so fast... I feel like I missed it."

He smiled at me. He looked so much like his father, so handsome, so charismatic, but I took pride at how his eyes were like mine, that I had a piece of me in him. He would be a fine gentleman when he grew up and I couldn't be prouder of him. "Where's your dad now?"

"I think he's in your bedroom. He said he's waiting for you."

I nodded. "Go to sleep, honey. You have classes in the morning."

"Okay, mom. Love you."

I swallowed my sobs and whispered, "I love you more."

As I climbed the stairs to our bedroom, the weight of the day pressed heavily on my mind. It had been a difficult day—seeing Kayden's pain so clearly for the first time this morning, losing a friend I thought would be permanent in my life, and now this. Now, I had to face the reality of losing my husband too.