All That She Needs

Part 13 : Aiden

I hadn't slept all night. Just staring at my beautiful wife's sleeping face, repeatedly thinking, what have I done? God, what I have done?

I waited for her to wake up, even though I knew she wouldn't like to find me still in our room, in our bed, after she'd told me to take the guest room. But I couldn't bring myself to leave. I wanted to see those green eyes of hers, blinking gorgeously awake, and by some miracle, I hoped she'd smile at me when her eyes found mine, just like she used to every morning.

Asha's love for me had been pure, persistent, and strong, weathering every storm. It was something I could always count on, but I took it for granted, letting it slowly fall apart until all that remained were ruins. I had broken something that should have lasted a lifetime. Now, I wasn't sure if any of that love was left in her.

I loved Asha with every broken part of me, but it wasn't until she decided to leave that I realized I couldn't live without her and my kids. It took Kayden, my own son, telling me he hated me for tearing our family apart, for me to fully understand the damage I'd caused. I hurt them, day by day, with my selfishness, never once stopping to think about them. All I saw was my own feelings, my own happiness and my own sorrow. I was ashamed of myself. Angry with myself. I brought pain to my family. I didn't deserve to be forgiven.

Perhaps Kayden was right. I had lost my right to be a part of this family. I had lost them, and it seemed impossible to set things right anymore.

But I was determined never to stop trying. Even if Asha and my kids wouldn't let me in, I would remain persistent, waiting patiently by the side until they were willing to allow me back into their lives again. I would win them back. Whatever it took, I would win them back.

"'I told you to take the guest room,' Asha's sleepy voice broke through my thoughts. Soft as it was, the hatred in her eyes sent a shiver down my spine. 'Why are you still here?'"

"Morning, sweetheart," I leaned over to her. I couldn't stop myself. But she pulled back abruptly and there were no words to describe how painful it was for me. "Just for one night." My voice was as crushed as my heart. "Tonight, I will sleep in the guest room."

"No, Aiden." She said, looking at me with frustration. "Today you need to leave the house."

"Asha, where will I go?"

She sat up abruptly, frowning at me. "I don't care where, Aiden," she snapped. "You need to go. We're over. Your son doesn't want you here either. You might as well go to her, seeing that's what you always wanted, right? There's no one stopping you now."

I sat up, rubbing my face with my hands, feeling utterly dejected and helpless. "This is where I belong. With you. Wherever you are, that will be my home."

She stared at me, a mix of confusion and disbelief swirling in her green eyes. "I don't understand, really. How is it so easy for you to say all those things when your actions have been the complete opposite?"

I had no answer to that. Because she was right. But at this moment, I meant what I said with all my heart. Asha was my home.

"We're getting a divorce, Aiden. I can't do this anymore with you. Although I know this house is in your name, but our children love living here, and I won't hurt them by moving somewhere else. They will stay with me, Aiden. I will fight for that tooth and nail, and I will win. They will not be living with her."

"I will not be living with her either," I muttered, burying my face in my hands.

"Please go, Aiden." She began pleading. "You need to go."

My eyes met hers, and I saw the sadness reflected back at me. This was hard for her too; it broke her as well. I had done this to her. My disappointment at myself surged back, all-consuming, and I slumped like a deflated balloon, drained and defeated.

I should go. I needed to go. I had to get my shit together first and make a plan. This separation was only temporary because I was determined to fix this. Right now, both of us were too emotional to think clearly. I wouldn't be able to persuade her in my current pathetic state, and she wouldn't be able to think beyond getting me out of her face as quickly as possible. I needed to prove myself to her, to Kayden, and it needed to be done meticulously and patiently.

"Okay, I'll go." I said brokenly. "For now, I'll go. I will give you time and space." I shifted to the edge of the bed, placing my feet on the wooden floor one by one. Slowly. Painfully. "But I will be back, Asha. I will fight for you. For our family."

"There is no more us, Aiden. There's nothing more you can say. Accept that."

Fuck. It hurt like hell hearing her say that, but I steeled myself and shook my head. "We'll never be over, Asha. Even when I was blind to how much I fucked up, I always knew in my heart that I'd never let you go."

With that, I walked away from her. I kept walking, refusing to look back. Because if I did—if I saw her face—I knew I would run back, begging her not to leave me.

Downstairs, I found my children in the kitchen, sitting side by side at the breakfast table. Kayden had just finished buttering a toast and handed it to his sister, a glass of milk already sitting in front of her. He's such a thoughtful boy, loving his sister and his mom, always looking out for them, and taking care of them. My son was a much better person than me. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve any of them.

Kayden's eyes found me and the scowl that transformed his face was instant. He loathed me. I reminded myself that I deserved it. I deserved to be punished. But I still walked over to him, determined that nothing would deter me from showing my family that I love them. I hugged my son from the side, feeling him stiffen, wanting to push me away. I only tightened my hold. "I'm sorry," I whispered to him, words I hadn't managed to say last night, too shocked to do anything. "For everything I put you through. I'll win you back. I'll earn your forgiveness. I promise you that. I'll prove it to you."

I kissed his temple and reluctantly released him. When I turned to Chloe, I saw her eyes already glistening with tears. It dawned on me that she knew too. She knew why I needed to leave. "Oh, my little angel." My heart shattered all over again. I pulled her into my arms, holding her as tightly as I could, whispering over and over how sorry I was. How could I have missed this? Was I really so blind, so selfish, that I never noticed how deeply I was hurting them? My actions had broken our family, piece by piece, and only now was I realizing the full extent of the damage I'd caused. I should be protecting them, loving them, taking care of them, but instead I became the villain that they had to protect themselves from.

"I need to go for a while," I told them, swallowing the lump in my throat. "But I'll be back, okay? I'll be back when I deserve it." I continued, my voice thick with emotion, "I promise you that I'll work for it. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right. I know I've failed you, but I won't give up. Not on you, not on us. I'll prove that I can be the father you both deserve."

I looked at their faces one last time, trying to memorize every detail. I would miss them so much. It would kill me to be away from them.

As I turned around and walked toward the front door, every step made my guilt grow heavier. Then, just as I reached the threshold, I heard it—a soft, heart-wrenching sob from behind me. Chloe. The sound sliced through me like a knife. I paused, my hand gripping the doorknob, the urge to turn back nearly overwhelming. I closed my eyes, swallowed hard, and pushed the door open, letting the morning light spill in. I knew that staying would only prolong the pain for everyone.

Taking one last look at my broken home, I left the house knowing it was the right thing to do. I had to face the consequences of my mistakes and begin the long and uncertain road back to salvation.