raspberries and mocha | heejake

27

Jake lay sprawled on his bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling, but his mind was somewhere far away. Heeseung had a way of creeping into his thoughts, even in the most unexpected moments. He smiled to himself, thinking about the last time they were together—the way Heeseung's tall, lean figure towered over him, his shiny red hair catching the light, and that playful smirk that always sent a jolt through Jake's veins. God, how did he get so lucky?

He couldn't help but replay the countless times Heeseung flirted with him, whether through words or subtle touches. Every time, it left him giddy, almost like a high school crush all over again. And Heeseung? Well, Jake could see the effect he had on the guy too. Heeseung was practically wrapped around his finger, and Jake loved it. He loved how confident he felt with Heeseung, how every little flirtation he threw out was met with even more intensity. Heeseung ate it up, every single time, and that gave Jake the push to be even bolder.

But then, there were the moments where it hit him—moments like now, lying alone in his room. Heeseung was incredible. He was everything Jake had ever imagined in a lover. Tall, strong, his red hair almost glowing, and his body... Jake closed his eyes, remembering the feel of Heeseung's chest under his hands, the warmth and strength he radiated. Heeseung was confident, funny, and ridiculously attractive. He was flirtatious but never pushy, always teasing just the right way. He made Jake feel like he was the center of his world, and for the most part, Jake was beyond grateful for that.

But...that was also the problem.

Jake's heart clenched at the thought. Heeseung was too good for him. Far too good. And that thought had been creeping into Jake's mind more frequently. Heeseung would give himself up for Jake in a heartbeat—he knew that. Heeseung was loyal, devoted, and would do anything for him. But that's what scared Jake. It made him feel like he wasn't enough. Like no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to reciprocate what Heeseung was giving him.

He was selfish sometimes—Jake knew that. He liked the attention, the way Heeseung looked at him like he was the only person in the world. He loved how Heeseung always put him first, no matter what. But deep down, Jake felt like he didn't deserve any of it. Heeseung deserved someone who was as amazing as he was, someone who could match his energy, his love, and his devotion. And Jake wasn't sure he was that person.

He couldn't shake the feeling that eventually, Heeseung would realize it too. He would see that Jake was just... Jake. Not enough. Not perfect. And when that realization hit, Jake feared it would hurt more than anything. He could feel himself falling for Heeseung, deeper every day, and the thought of losing him—of Heeseung realizing he could do better—was terrifying.

Heeseung deserved better, didn't he?

With a sigh, Jake turned onto his side, staring out the window. The world outside was still, but his thoughts raced. Heeseung made him feel alive, made him feel seen in ways no one else ever had. But the closer they got, the more terrified Jake became of screwing it all up.

He wasn't perfect. He had his flaws—insecurities, fears, the inability to completely open up sometimes. Heeseung, on the other hand, seemed so sure of himself, so ready to give everything he had. It was overwhelming.

Jake closed his eyes, biting his lip as a flood of emotions washed over him. He hated this feeling—the feeling that no matter how much he cared for Heeseung, he couldn't give him what he truly deserved. Heeseung was too good, too perfect, and Jake? Jake felt like he wasn't enough.