raspberries and mocha | heejake ✔

46

The clock read 4:13 AM when Jake's phone buzzed on his nightstand, the sound cutting through the silence of his darkened room. He squinted at the screen, his heart racing when he saw Heeseung's name flashing in the dim light. What was he doing calling at this hour? Panic gripped him as he debated whether or not to answer. The tension had been hanging in the air like a thick fog ever since their last encounter, and Jake didn't know if he was ready to face the man who had occupied his thoughts incessantly.

Taking a deep breath, Jake swiped to answer, his voice coming out far drier than he intended. "What's up?"

There was a pause on the other end, and Jake could almost feel Heeseung's surprise through the phone. "Hey, uh...I didn't think you'd pick up," Heeseung replied, his voice low and a little groggy, as if he had just woken up.

"Yeah, well, I did," Jake replied curtly, trying to mask the swirl of emotions raging inside him. Why was he acting like this? He wanted to sound nonchalant, but he knew he came off as distant. Heeseung deserved better than this, but Jake's mind was a mess of confusion and regret.

"Are you okay?" Heeseung asked softly, concern lacing his tone. Jake hated how much he wanted to lean into that warmth, to hear more of that caring voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Jake shot back, forcing himself to sound disinterested. Why did he always push Heeseung away? Heeseung didn't deserve this kind of treatment, especially not after everything they'd been through. But Jake couldn't bring himself to let go of his pride, not yet.

"Okay," Heeseung replied, the disappointment evident even in that one word. Jake could feel it like a weight in the air. "I just...wanted to check in on you. Jake, is something wrong?"

And in that moment, Jake felt a surge of frustration and despair wash over him. "Why are you with that woman?" he blurted out before he could stop himself, his voice wavering. "I saw you two together. You looked so happy."

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end, and the silence stretched painfully long. "Jake, I—"

"You don't have to explain," Jake interrupted, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. "It's not my place. I messed everything up, and now I don't even know what to say."

"Jake..."

"Honestly, I want you to be happy, but—" His voice cracked, and he felt the tears slip down his cheeks, hot and burning against his skin. "I just wish it could have been with me. I can't believe I ruined my chance. I messed up, and now you're just moving on without me."

He could hear Heeseung's breath catch, the weight of Jake's words sinking in. "Jake, it's not—"

"I messed up!" Jake cried out, the frustration and sorrow spilling over. "I want to fix things, but it feels like I'm losing you. And I hate myself for not being brave enough to just say how I feel."

Silence enveloped them, heavy and suffocating. Jake could imagine Heeseung on the other end, probably trying to process everything he just said.

"Jaeyun..." Heeseung's voice was soft now, but Jake didn't want to hear pity; he wanted action. He wanted to reach out and pull Heeseung back to him, to make things right.

Suddenly, Jake's heart dropped when he heard a muffled sniffle. Was Heeseung crying? The realization sent a jolt of guilt through him. He didn't want to be the cause of his pain, yet here he was, making things worse.

"I guess I'll talk to you later, then," Heeseung finally said, his voice small and shaky. "Goodnight, Jake."

Before Jake could respond, Heeseung cut the call, leaving only the sound of silence in its wake. Jake stared at the screen in disbelief, the weight of regret crashing over him like a tidal wave. Why had he messed up again? He'd had the chance to reach out, to comfort Heeseung, but instead, he pushed him away.

He fell back against his pillows, frustration boiling within him. What was wrong with him? He couldn't keep doing this, treating Heeseung like some disposable piece of his life. He knew Heeseung was hurting, and yet he still managed to turn a moment of vulnerability into something awkward and painful.

As he lay back on his bed, tears streaming down his face, he realized just how emotionally frustrated he was. He wanted Heeseung so badly, but he had ruined his one chance. And now, all he could do was cry quietly into his pillow, the realization of his loss crashing over him like a relentless tide.

Meanwhile, Heeseung sat on the edge of his bed, the phone still in his hand, staring at the screen where Jake's name had just been. He had smiled through his tears, even after the call had come to an end. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to stop, feeling the sting of rejection all over again. Why did Jake have to make everything so fucking difficult?

In the stillness of the night, Heeseung let the tears fall freely, feeling utterly pathetic. He wanted to reach out, to find a way back to the easy laughter and warmth they had shared, but every time he tried, it felt like Jake pushed him further away.

What if it was too late? The thought haunted him as he lay back on his bed, feeling the emptiness consume him. He couldn't lose Jake, not now. Not when he still cared so deeply.

As the tears continued to flow, Heeseung whispered into the dark, "Please come back to me, Jake."