A Red Lighter

Connor: Why Couldn't I be Good Enough

I sat down next to Caleb; his hands were locked behind his neck something gripped in between them. He sat there just sobbing silently as if he was alone in his room but I guess it didn't matter. Something was bothering him and I wanted so bad to help, I wanted to shake him and demand he tell me what was wrong. But I knew that he'd tell me eventually what had him running away from his new home. After what seemed like hours of just listening to Caleb cry he stood up. Anger pulsing through him.

He picked up the nearest thing on the ground which happened to be a rock and chucked it half grunting, half screaming in anger as he threw it. He shoved whatever it was in his hand back into his pocket and continued to throw stuff, rocks, twigs and pinecones, anything that he could get his hands on. I stood out of the way partially because I didn't want to get hit, mostly because Caleb needs this. He threw a pointed rock so hard it stuck in the tree that he was aiming at.

"WHY" he yelled turning back to me, his eyes were full of sadness but his face was set in a scowl "I-I...UGGGHHH" he was trying hard not to cry again as he picked up another rock "why couldn't I be enough.... I- I did everything people wanted me to"

"Caleb" I spoke putting my hand out

"No" he recoiled fast "No, it was always, do better Caleb, try harder Caleb, crying is for the weak Caleb... YOU KILLED HER CALEB.... WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN YOU CALEB" he sat down with a thud head in hands "I just want to be good enough, for once in my life"

"You are enough Caleb" I said slowly placing my hand on Caleb's back.

I was unsure as to what was going on but Caleb felt something in his pocket then gave me the biggest hug I've ever had, grabbing fistfuls of my sweater. He buried his face in my shoulder and I just held back as he shook violently with his tears. Unsure of what to do, I didn't want to let go, Caleb felt so warm and loving but someone had managed to rip that away from him. Something told me that he'd be okay, that this was progress and progress was good right.

I slowly stood up with him; he took off towards his house without me, not skipping a beat. I knew he wasn't going to be happy with the fact that Olivia had decided to get him counseling. I wouldn't want to talk to a stranger about something that I could never change either. But once we got back to my house all that tension that Caleb had managed to loosen during his three second rampage came flooding back.

I entered the house first to warn Olivia that Caleb looked like he just had a mental break down. Which he kind of did, but he needed it, he needed to let all the repressed feelings he was holding go. Caleb walked past the kitchen straight past Olivia and Jake and continued to walk straight into the bathroom. Everything seemed to be just fine; Caleb needed some time to himself. It wasn't till the shattering of glass echoed throughout the house. That had everyone jumping from their seats. But the door was locked and Caleb refused to let anyone in. Crying, panicking that they would get mad at him. Swearing he didn't mean to do it, it just happened whatever that was.

"Caleb" mom spoke hushing everyone in the hallway "we won't be mad at you, no matter what"

Slowly the lock on the door turned and dad slowly creaked the door open. Caleb sat on the toilet seat his right hand held in his left, dripping blood onto the white ceramic floors.