Forever Yours

chapter thirty-two

My puffy eyes flutter open. The first thing I notice is the pounding headache I have. The second thing I notice is I didn't shut my curtains last night. The bright sun is pouring into my room like an asshole. I get up, close the curtains aggressively, then climb back into bed.

I cried myself to sleep again last night. It's been like this every night for the past month. I try to fall back asleep, but the headache is keeping me awake. I groan, then get up to go find some ibuprofen. Something is going on today, but I can't place what because my head is so foggy. But then it all comes crashing back to me like a freight train. Dad and Connie's wedding is today.

I can't believe it's only been a month since they announced their engagement and now, they're getting married. It's also only been a month since Joel and I broke up. But the pain feels like it has been an eternity. A sad, lonely, empty eternity.

There's a light knock on my door and then the doorknob jiggles. I groan again.

"C'mon Lo, unlock this door right now," Mia says ever so sassily. She's here to help me get ready for the wedding. But why is she here so early? The wedding isn't until five. But then I look at my phone. It's already one in the afternoon?! Shit.

I rush out of bed and put on some presentable clothes. "Lo! I hear you in there." Mia knocks again as I throw open the door. I give her a very fake smile. She crosses her arms and glares at me. "That's fake as shit."

I lose my smile. "You got me," I say to her.

I turn and walk back to my bed, letting her follow me. She shuts the door behind her. I try to get under the covers, but Mia says, "Oh no you don't. We gotta start getting you ready."

She sits down on my bed next to me and I roll over so that I'm not facing her. A single tear falls as I say, "I don't want to go."

Mia has sensed the sadness in my voice, so she starts rubbing circles on my back. "I know Lo, but you have to. This is your dad's wedding. You did everything for him to be happy. Now you gotta watch him be happy. And I can't even imagine how hard this has been for you. But you must do this for him and for yourself. To show yourself that it wasn't all a waste."

I turn and look at her after wiping my nose on the back of my hand. What she's saying makes a lot of sense. So, I just nod, acknowledging her.

She gets up and pulls me up from laying down. I sit on the edge of the bed to let her do my hair and makeup. I would usually do this on my own, but I'm too sad to take care of myself.

"Now, let's make you so beautiful, Joel's going to swoon!" Mia says. I give her a sad look. "Oh my god Lo, sorry, um, never mind that." Then she goes to work on my hair.

Joel. My Joel. He's at his house right now, getting ready for the wedding too I assume. We're the only bridesmaid and groomsman, so we have to look good. Joel always looks good though. He doesn't even have to try.

I haven't seen him much since we broke up. Not nearly as much as when we were together. We have only really seen each other when it came to doing wedding stuff, and when he would come to check on me.

Ever since I tried to jump, Mia and Joel checked on me almost every day. They would come to my house and hang out with me. Sometimes for a little bit, sometimes for the whole day. But after a couple days of that, I thought it would be better if it was just Mia that checked on me. Seeing Joel was too hard.

Last night was the rehearsal dinner and I wanted so badly to not see Joel that I faked being sick. Dad let me stay home.

He texts me every day, to see how I am. But I'll only send a couple of one-word texts before he gets the hint that I want to be left alone. We've drifted apart so fast, it physically hurts. Going from talking to someone twenty-four/seven to not at all is a drastic change. I haven't adjusted to life without Joel yet. But I won't have to because Connie and him are moving in next week. He's going to be around every day and it's going to make getting over him a million times harder.