Our Chemical Direction

Chapter 14: The Flat

{Thorn's POV}

I stepped in through the front door. There was a grey couch and a cute little orange stool. I smiled. "This is so cute. Are you sure we can afford it?" I asked. Louis nodded. "I'm in one of the most popular boy bands in the world." he bragged. "Don't get too cocky." I warned.

"Sit down while I unpack your clothes." he ordered. I did as he asked and took a seat on the brown love seat. I started scrolling through my phone and decided to put on music. Not that Spotify shit, my actual music. I refuse to use that shit. Beautiful Bodies started playing.

"Top shelf, out of reach.

We play capture and release."

I sang along to each word. "Who's this?" he asked. "Beautiful Bodies. I've been really into them since I helped their guitarist crowd surf on Warped Tour. Like eeep I touched his shoulder blade." I laughed. Louis shook his head and asked me to start decorating our room. I obliged.

I walked into the kitchen to get a drink when I bumped into Louis. "Hey, beautiful." he purred. I laughed and hugged him. "Wanna test out the new bed?" he smiled. I nodded.

**********

{Two Weeks Later}

"Louis?" I cried. Louis came running into the bathroom. "Yeah?" he asked.

"I don't think spotting is supposed to be this heavy." I started panicking. "Shh, it's okay. Stress isn't good for either of you. Especially if there's really something wrong. Let's get you to the ER." he cooed.

The car ride was so nerve racking that I almost threw up twice and once we got to the ER I started freaking out because it was so packed. Soon enough, my name was called, and I went into the back room with Louis. They immediately started an ultrasound. I almost broke down when I saw the look on the nurse's face.

"I'm sorry sweetie. It's gone. It's extremely rare for a miscarriage in the second trimester, so I started to doubt it but this is clearly a miscarriage." she frowned. I started crying once again. "There's nothing you can do? No hope?" I was desperate. "No. All I can do is give you painkillers for the cramps and discuss with you whether you'd like to try again. I do have to warn you, miscarriages in the second trimester are high alerts for future pregnancies. If you do aim to try again I would be very cautious and have a doctor check on it every other week or so." she explained. I was at a loss for words. High alert? Future complications?

I didn't want to try again, I wanted to go home to Gee and the rest of the boys. I wanted to drink my feelings away. What if I can never have kids? What if all my attempts fail? I wasn't ready to try again. I'd have to get through this first. If I could.

We left the ER an hour after she broke the news. We discussed the likely hood of me having a second miscarriage, which apparently isn't too high.

********

"Come in!" I yelled at the bedroom door. Louis turned the knob and came tumbling in. "Get up. You've been in bed for days, drinking so much that you probably already have liver damage. You need fresh air." he argued, trying to drag me upright. I slid out of his grip and laid back down. "Thorn, if you don't get up I'm leaving you in this house, alone." he threatened. I knew he was bluffing, so I stayed put. "Come sit with me." I asked.

{Louis' POV}
The entire room smelled like liquor. I decided I might as well sit. "What are those?" I asked, landing my gaze on her side table. There were pills. "Molly." she giggled. I stood back up. "Ecstasy?" I screamed. "Are you fucking stupid? That's so illegal and wrong. You have no reason to destroy your body by using that shit. And the aftermath causes even worse depression then before you took it. Do you think before you do things?" I yelled, pacing back and forth. She shrugged. "Did you think before you got me knocked up?" she muttered.

"Yes, I did! I knew pregnancy was a possibility when I lost my virginity and I knew that when I had sex with you. I'll admit that I thought it was unlikely, but I still knew there was a possibility and I knew I'd be able to deal with the consequences. So don't try to spin this around on me. You're the one who's drunk out of her mind and on rave drugs." I huffed.

"Guess you don't want me smoking this?" she asked cutely, pulling out a huge bong. "What the hell? Where even- Where did you keep that? How long have you had that?" I asked. She shrugged again. "A year." she whispered. My mouth opened. "How have I not known? How hasn't anyone known?"

"Frankie found out, but helped me keep it a secret." she sighed. I was still in shock. I pulled her up and tried to drag her over my shoulder. "If you let me rip this a few times I'll go willingly." she bargained. I decided it didn't matter. I watched her blow the thick smoke out through her nose like a cute little dragon.

"Gimme a hit." I told her. I wasn't against weed, I was just shocked that I didn't know sooner. She handed over the blue glass. I was only going to take a small hit but I decided that it wasn't very high quality, so I took an average one.

She was smiling now. "You want a drink?" she asked. I nodded. If you can't beat em, join em. Although I'm definitely not doing any ecstasy unless I get trashed, which I don't plan on doing.

"Come sit down with me and roll a blunt." she patted the spot beside her. "I can't roll a blunt for shit." I laughed. She shook her head. "Lemme show you."

The process seemed fairly easy but I feel like if I tried I'd fuck it up in a thousand different ways. "Take another drink." she ordered once the blunt was rolled. I did as she commanded and then grabbed the blunt as she passed it to me. It was smooth. Not loose, not tight, it didn't burn fast, it was practically perfect.

"I never knew my girl had such a talent." I chuckled. She grinned and hugged me.

"Listen, babe, I know you're upset. I'm upset too, but you've gotta stop doing this. You need to get up and go outside, work on the album. I don't want you to miss too many interviews." I sighed. "What am I supposed to say? Thorn, are you knocked up? Why yes, Conan. I was, but I failed as a mother because I managed to have a miscarriage in the second fucking trimester." she yelled. I wrapped my arms around her.

"It depends. Do you want them to know you were pregnant? Or do you wanna keep it between the family?" I asked. She shrugged. "I guess we'll keep it in the family. Unless someone's already said something." she decided. "No ones said anything, they were waiting for your permission." I explained. She nodded.

"Now here is the real question." I whispered. "Are you ready to try again?"