raspberries and mocha | heejake

30

Jake sat across from Heeseung at a quiet café, his leg bouncing anxiously under the table. His heart was pounding in his chest, and it felt like every breath he took made it harder to keep himself together.

Heeseung smiled at him gently, unaware of what was about to unfold. He looked so...perfect. His red hair caught the dim evening light, making it glow like embers. The way his hand rested on the table, fingers loosely curled, made Jake want to reach out and grab it. But he couldn't. Not anymore.

This was going to hurt. Badly. Jake knew that, and it was his fault. But it had to happen. He had to be brave enough to set Heeseung free.

He cleared his throat, his voice shaky. "Heeseung..."

Heeseung's smile faltered, sensing the shift in Jake's tone. "What's wrong?"

Jake swallowed hard. "I need to talk to you. About us."

There was a pause. Heeseung's gaze softened, but his shoulders tensed slightly. He was bracing himself, and Jake hated that. He hated everything about this moment.

Jake took a deep breath, forcing himself to speak before his courage failed him. "I've been thinking...and I don't think I can do this anymore."

Heeseung's eyebrows drew together in confusion, but he didn't interrupt. He just waited, patient as ever, giving Jake the space to explain.

"I know it doesn't make sense," Jake continued, his voice cracking slightly. "And this isn't your fault. None of this is your fault, Hee. It's me." He scoffed at how cliché that sounded, but it was the truth. "I just...I don't think I'm good enough for you."

Heeseung opened his mouth to respond, but Jake shook his head quickly, cutting him off. "Please, let me finish. If I stop now, I won't be able to say it."

Heeseung nodded silently, his eyes never leaving Jake's.

"You're..." Jake exhaled slowly, trying to gather his scattered thoughts. "You're everything, Heeseung. You're kind, and smart, and horribly hot. You make me feel things I didn't know I was capable of feeling. And that's the problem. You're too good for me."

He laughed bitterly, running a hand through his hair. "I wake up every day wondering how someone like you could ever love someone like me. And that feeling? It doesn't go away. No matter how much I try to tell myself that I deserve this—that I deserve you—it just...it doesn't stick."

Heeseung's face remained unreadable, but Jake could see the subtle flicker of pain in his eyes. It made Jake feel like the worst person in the world, but he pushed forward.

"I know that if I stay with you, I'm going to end up hurting you," Jake confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "Not because I want to. God, Heeseung, you have no idea how much I want to be the person you need. But I know I'm not. And I won't be. Not ever."

He sniffed, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. "You'll wake up one day and realize you could've been with someone better. Someone who doesn't feel like they're dragging you down."

Jake's voice wavered, and he clenched his fists to steady himself. "And I can't bear the thought of being the one who makes you regret anything. I love you too much to let that happen."

There it was. He'd said it. He loved Heeseung. So much that it hurt.

"And that's why..." Jake's voice broke, and he had to pause to catch his breath. "That's why I think we need to stop this. I need to let you go, Hee. You deserve better. You deserve someone who won't second-guess themselves every step of the way."

He finally looked at Heeseung, his heart shattering at the sight. Heeseung's expression was calm, but his eyes...God, his eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The silence was suffocating, pressing down on Jake's chest until he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Then, slowly, Heeseung lowered his gaze. His shoulders slumped, and he gave a small, almost imperceptible nod.

"Okay," Heeseung whispered, his voice so soft Jake almost didn't hear it.

Jake stared at him, stunned. "Okay?" he echoed, not expecting Heeseung to accept it so easily.

Heeseung lifted his head again, and the sight broke Jake's heart all over again. There was no anger, no bitterness. Just a quiet acceptance.

"I respect your decision, Jake," Heeseung said, his voice steady but laced with sadness. "If this is what you need, then...okay."

Jake felt a lump rise in his throat. He wanted Heeseung to fight back, to tell him he was being stupid, to give him a reason to stay. But Heeseung didn't. Because Heeseung was kind. Too kind.

Jake nodded slowly, his chest aching. "Thank you," he whispered, though the words felt hollow.

Heeseung gave him one last glance, analyzing his face as if he had seen Jake for the first time ever, all over again. "Take care of yourself, Jake."

Jake's vision blurred as he stood up from the table. His hands trembled at his sides, and he clenched them into fists to keep from reaching out.

He wanted to hold Heeseung one last time. But he knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to let go.

So he turned around and walked away, every step feeling like a knife to his heart.

And when he finally stepped outside into the cool evening air, Jake exhaled shakily, tears spilling down his cheeks.

He'd done it. He'd let Heeseung go.

But as he stood there, alone on the sidewalk, the weight of what he'd lost crashed down on him.

And Jake realized...

He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to forgive himself.