Shattered Reflections

Chapter 2

Somehow I was jealous of him. He went away, he didn't have to do what I had to, get it and serve the dark lord, instead he fled like the coward he was.

No, he wasn't a coward, I was.

I knew that. Deep inside me, I knew that. He ran away from home, got with this guy - Potter - and he was free.

I didn't run away, I did it. I thought it was the right thing to do, mom and dad expected it from me, they had it too, after all. But was this really what I believed in, wanted?

No.

It definitely wasn't. But I was too scared of what would happen, I thought I had no other choice. He had always been tougher, smarter, better. I didn't have anywhere to go, so for me it was either this or death.

I didn't even know what was worse at this point. Maybe in another universe, another life I would've went with him.

No, I wouldn't. He was the brave Gryffindor, I was the scared Slytherin. He hated me, why would he have let me go with him? My perfect brother.

"You're thinking about something again." A voice from behind appeared, it was unmistakable her voice. She was talking to me again.

"Yes." I answered shortly, she sat down right next to me. We were at the black lake, just sitting here and looking down onto the water. "Do you know what is funny?" She asked, my skin began to tingle.

"No."

"I know exactly what you feel like." I doubted that, of course she didn't. That was good though, wasn't it? That nobody else suffered the way I did. I heard how she lay down, closing her eyes. "But Regulus?" She paused slightly as she spoke.

"You're enough."

I stared at her, not knowing what to say. I was enough? I wasn't. Not that I would tell her that, but it was obvious. I was a death eater, someone so unnoticeable that it didn't matter anymore. I hated it, seeing it on my arm every day.

She knew it, she gently took my arm and started running over it. I winced, I didn't hate anything as much as it, seeing it there everyday, not being able to do anything against it.

"It's fine." I felt a tear but made it go away shortly after, I hadn't even talked to her often yet, we were sort of friends since the first time she really talked to me, that was a few weeks ago, if not even months, so not a good place to get sentimental.

"What do you even know?" I mumbled, also lying down and closing my eyes. "Enough to know what you're going through." I knew she thought she knew everything, but - of course - she didn't, nobody except for death eaters knew the feeling of having it.

"Stop regretting your life." I stopped breathing for a second. "What?" I was sure she must've opened her eyes by now. "Stop regretting your life, the past is the past, it's the future you can change."

Now i couldn't stop the quiet, lonely tear anymore.

"Julie, please..." she nodded, I heard it by the way the grass rustled a little bit. "I know." She did, she did know. I didn't know how, but she knew what I was feeling, doing, thinking.

"Why are you my friend?" I asked after a while, it was something that I had asked myself since the first moment already. "Because you're worth it", she replied simply. I could hear the sincerity in her voice, as if she was serious, but also Julie was no angel fallen from the sky.

"And because everyone deserves someone who sees them for who they truly are, not just who they pretend to be." "But I'm not worth it." The words spilled out before I could stop them, the heaviness in my chest growing as I spoke.

"I'm just a pawn in their game, I'm a Death Eater." Now I could see her looking at me, her brown eyes were just as beautiful as ever. "You're not just a pawn." She said finally, as if everything she said was believable and true.

"You're Regulus Black, and that means something. Even if you don't see it yet."

I turned my head slightly, peeking at her through my lashes. She looked serene, her face lit by the soft glow of the setting sun, casting a golden hue over the lake.

"You don't understand", I muttered, the anger bubbling inside me again. "You don't know what it's like to feel trapped. To wear a mark that signifies your alliance to something dark and twisted. To live and don't really live."

"I guess I don't." She agreed, her voice being as soft as always. "But just because you've chosen a path that feels wrong doesn't mean you can't change it. You can fight back, Regulus. You can still choose who you want to be."

I let out a bitter laugh, the sound echoing across the water. "Choose? I don't have a choice. Not really. I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it."

She grabbed my hand, held it tightly and I felt her warmth. She believed that everything could turn out to the better, she was optimistic.

Too optimistic to understand my life.