Shattered Reflections

Chapter 5

It was the day before Christmas as I saw her again, she apparently didn't leave to go home for this holiday.

I looked up from my copy of the Daily Prophet when I saw her. She always stood out in a crowd, with her blonde hair, kind eyes and her smile that could light up even the bleakest day. But seeing her here without her luggage was surprising, so alone yet beautiful.

"Hey." She said as she saw me, I greeted her too. "You're staying here for Christmas?" I asked and tried to act as casual as possible, but inside I was secretly a little happy to know she was staying, I was too.

"Yes. How about you?" But of course she knew the answer already, nobody right in their mind would spend a holiday like Christmas with the Black family.

"Me too. I'm staying as well." We stood there a while, she was smiling and she seemed to try figuring out what to say and then she asked me:

"Would you like to spend Christmas with me?"

My eyes widened at her question. Spending Christmas together? Me with her, without my family, without my brother, alone with just myself and her. The thought made my heart skip a beat for some reason, I couldn't deny I wanted that.

"Sure." I tried to sound as casual as possible, like it wasn't a big deal to me. I hoped she couldn't read how excited I actually felt.

"Wonderful!" She said with a voice full of joy and I loved seeing her like this, so free and happy.

"Well, what will we..." but she interrupted me with gloomy eyes. "I have an idea, a surprise! Just wait!" She laughed and if I would have been someone that smiled often, I would have done that now.

She was so cute.

Suddenly my arm started burning like crazy, my eyes widened and I excused myself to the toilet, there I stood, fighting back tears, it hurt so much.

The thought of having it made me remember how bad of a person I actually was, I didn't deserve Julie, I didn't deserve spending Christmas with her.

I was a Death Eater, after all. And right now the Dark Lord was calling for me, that was the reason for its burning. A tear ran down my cheek, then another and another. I felt guilty, angry and weak.

I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, the pain gradually subsiding as the Dark Lord's call faded into the background.

The tears had dried on my cheeks and I let out a shaky sigh. I felt torn. Part of me wanted to be with her, to feel her presence and be close to her, to feel her warm hand and enjoy her sweet voice.

But another part of me, the darker side, reminded me or my responsibilities, my duties and commitments to the Dark Lord. The thought of him made me sick. I was a Death Eater.

I leaned forward, resting my head against the cold, tiled wall or the stall, trying to steady my breathing. I felt dirty, disgusting, tainted by the darkness within me.

I knew I didn't deserve her and yet some part of me, the smaller, softer part of me, wanted to just cry out in her arms and escape from the shadows that engulfed me.

The burning pain in my arm had subsided, but it left behind a constant reminder of my allegiance and the inevitable call of the Dark Lord.

After what felt like an eternity, I forced myself to stand straight, pushing down the lingering pain in my arm and the turmoil churning inside me.

There was no choice - I had to go. I left the bathroom quietly, making sure no one was around, and slipped out of the castle, my heart pounding with every step.