Shattered Reflections

Chapter 3

"R.A.B." She said, I nodded. "Regulus Arcturus Black." Her face lit up, she seemed to be happy. "It sounds so cool, as if you were.."

"Important. As if I was important." I finished her sentence but she shook her head. "You are important, Regulus. I meant as if you were a mysterious hero, I want a name like that too!" Her voice sounded like the one of a children, thats how happy she was over such a stupid thing.

"J.R.P. Maybe?" She seemed to be really interested in this name-thingy. "No, that's like I'd copy you." I didn't even know she had a second name, I didn't even know her surname.

"You don't copy me, it's cute." She laughed. I loved her laugh. "Are you sure?" I nodded and she seemed even happier.

"Why are you always happy?" I finally asked, it was like she had never experienced pain, yet at the same time she could understand me like nobody else could.

"Why are you always grumpy? I chose to be happy, I love being happy." That seemed and didn't seem reasonable at the same time, but nobody could understand Julie, not really.

"My life isn't good enough to be happy. I see yours it." Instead of answering, she just hugged me. "One day your life is going to be good enough to be happy." I agreed but knew it wasn't going to happen. I was a death eater, after all.

"You're so much more than you think you are." It was like she could read me, as if she always knew exactly what I felt. "You know nothing about me, I'm a coward." My voice was loud, harsh. I didn't mean to hurt her.

But it happened.

I raised my hand and slapped her across the face. I hurt her. I hurt Julie, my Julie. "I'm sorry-..." I mumbled, expecting her to scream at me, but she didn't. What she looked like was much worse than being screamed at.

She was crying. Crying, yet she smiled widely and happily. Tears came out of her eyes, as if it were happy tears. And her cheek was red. Red because of me.

"It's fine." She said, i shook my head angrily. "NO! It's not fine! I hurt you, you're crying because of me!" I wanted her to hate me, scream at me, but she didn't. It was like she didn't care it happened, she remained her free and careless self.

But she did care.

She cared about me, she always did. She cared about me more than herself. I didn't deserve her, nobody deserved Julie, my Julie.

"I choose to forgive you, just how I chose to be happy." That was her response, as if it was the most normal thing to say. But Julie wasn't normal, not at all.

"I'm an evil Slytherin, I'm a death eater." I said that often, I blamed my evilness on being a death eater, she figured that out on our second meeting anyway, there was no reason to hide it.

"If you're evil, I'm too. Regulus, you're not evil." She insisted, I didn't believe her. Of course she saw the good in me, like she always did. "I am. I hurt people, I hurt you."

She rolled her eyes, not in a mean way, no, in an unserious way. "Regulus, when do you finally start seeing yourself the way I see you?"

Never.

She knew that, yet she waited for the day, almost like a little child. "You're too good of a person, nobody can ever see people like you do." It was true, she was the happiest person I've ever met.

"You're so beautiful." It wasn't an answer to what I said, to anything, she just said it. But I wasn't. Sirius had always been prettier, why couldn't she see that?

"Do you know the marauders?" I asked instead of thanking her or anything else I could've answered. "Yes." I saw how she stopped smiling for a second, before she did again. It wasn't a good topic to talk about, apparently.

"Then you should well know I'm not the beautiful one." She looked up to me, with her beautiful brown eyes, as if she could free me, understand me, like me.

"You're not the uglier one or in general one, you're Regulus, your own person, there's no reason to compare you to Sirius Black." Why did her voice sound so sincere, as if she was truly believing what she was saying and not just making it up?

"I'm his brother. Of course there's a reason to compare us." She shook her head. "O, Regulus.." I once again felt a tear, I couldn't stand it when she looked at me like this, so...caring.

And yet she couldn't say no. She didn't say that it wasn't true what I said, because - deep inside her - she knew I was right. Like always.

"You're not just in pain..." It was a little sudden, we hadn't spoken a word in minutes, since she said my name in that beautifully sad way.

"You're actually broken."