Shattered Reflections

Chapter 4

I hadn't seen Julie in about few days but when I did again, she was happily smiling with her Ravenclaw-friends. The moment she saw me her face lit up even more and she seemed to say goodbye to her friends while walking up to me.

"Hey, Reg!" She said with her beautiful voice. "Hey." She smiled even more, I had never seen someone smile as much as she did, it was wonderful.

"I was just talking about love with my friends so I was thinking...do you believe in love?" My eyebrows shot up in mild surprise at her abrupt question.

Love.

Of course I didn't, in the household I grew up love was considered foolish and dumb, it made you weak, my parents always said.

"Love is rather overrated in my opinion. It is a word people throw around to define a fleeting emotion. It's a facade, a temporary high that fools them into believing they've found something real."

She thought a while, considering my opinion, then she shook her head slightly.

"If it was snowing, icy cold outside and we were standing there, you would be freezing and so would I and yet as I see your freezing body and decide you deserved to be kept warm much more than I would, so I give you my jacket, even though I only have a shirt beneath it, what would you call that?"

For a moment I was taken aback, the example she gave was precise and accurate. I couldn't help but appreciate her ability to challenge my beliefs, but then I shook off the brief sensation of admiration, my defenses rearing up once again.

"I'd call that self-sacrificing, foolish...reckless. I'd even go so far and say that's practically a death wish, nothing I would call 'love'."

She smiled. Once again I realized how much I loved her smile.

"My example is both. A death wish and love. And you know why? Because I'd rather be dead and with the person I love than alive but without that person. That's love."

I fell silent, she was right. That was love.

"I suppose you're right. But it's foolish." I said and she smiled. "Of course it is, that's the beauty about it. I'd love to be so foolish and have my death reason be that I died for love."

Her words lingered in the air and left me pondering. That depth of her love, to go as far as to willingly die for it...

Her willingness to sacrifice herself for someone she loved was both frightening yet fascinating at the same time. But it made me wonder, would anyone ever be willing to do the same for me?

"But think of the person you love so much, wouldn't that just hurt them?" I finally said. "Wouldn't that person suffer his whole life?" She nodded.

"Of course he would. But he would know that I forever truly loved him and accept it. He maybe would move on and find a partner for life."

I frowned, I couldn't help but wonder where her love for someone else ended, and where her self love begun. "But then you dying would be stupid if he just moved on! It would mean he wouldn't appreciate it at all! And that he never loved you like you love him!"

She sighed.

"Do you believe in soulmates?" I was taken aback by that question, it was a little unexpected.

"No, of course I don't." I waited a second before I continued speaking. "I don't believe in soulmates, because that would mean people would be destined to be together, without any freedom of choice. And it would mean you can't find happiness with anyone else. There is more than one love for everyone. More than one person to love."

"So that's what soulmates mean for you?" She looked at me intensely.

I nodded slowly, my expression hardening. Soulmates, to me, meant a predetermined partner, a person that fate forced upon you. And I hated the idea of having no control over who I'm supposed to be with my whole life.

"To me soulmates doesn't immediately mean partner for life. A soulmate could even be a friend...a pet..."

I paused. A soulmate being...not only a romantic partner, but also a friend, or even a pet? It was an intriguing thought. But still...

"Can you have several soulmates? Or do you have only one soulmate in your life?" I asked, she looked up to the sky.

"I suppose you can." She smiled and for the first time she seemed to not be completely sure of what she was talking about.

"How can you be so sure who your soulmate is? How can you tell me that someone is your soulmate and the others aren't it?"

She answered almost immediately. "I don't think you can ever be completely sure. But some just know it."

"You just know?" I asked, she nodded.

'Just know'... that sounded too vague, too unrealistic. But for a second, I wished I had someone I just knew as my soulmate, but that feeling was buried in my chest, buried under layers of insecurity and loneliness.