You see how it rains all the time?
I was never aware of when,
Those grey misty clouds
Begin to pour a drizzle,
To a heavy shower of ice-cold drips
I just wish I was the rain....
How the rain draped itself
Around a 12 year old
As the father should have;
The melody of the quickened pace
Of spluttering drops
Closed every other demon
Of a sound
Out
Or maybe it filled my ears with fuzzy tinnitus of the mythical rain
To mimic freedom
To mimic isolation
To let me sing, dance, jump
Within the tinnitus,
I felt loose
Enough to let myself flow
Oh the tinnitus was back again
That night
To protect me from the shouts
The wails
The anger
The Betrayal
The mirthless laugh
From the decayed truth of my father
From the vulnerable side of my mother
The other side
Of my 'parents'
My 'protectors'
My 'heroes'
The tinnitus said,
"It is how it has always been"
Tinnitus made me feel small
Feel powerless
I wasn't in control
That I was too weak
For a change
That brought me comfort
To not be responsible for everything
I wish I was the rain
How the rain felt warm,
Due to my body being frozen cold
How it snuggled wet on my skin
My hair
My clothes
Offering me the warmth
To melt the stone-cold wall I had built over time
Of withheld emotion, I kept enclosed inside
That night, it all broke down
Melted
Into the waves of oceans
I was free
I just wish I was the rain
Floating free across the endless sky
Upon everywhere
Across every land
The same entity
The speed, the excitement
The comfort, slow down to lullabies
The power to live in itself
In truth
Oh wise rain
I wish I was the rain.
