Really? My Best Friend?

Chapter 30

"Don't you think you two should give up now?" Dad says coming through from the living room with Liam hot on his heels where they are both looking at us like we're crazy for still being sat here after what has it been? I glance at the clock to see we've been sat here for five hours, four with Dean, and I've almost caught up with everything, I only have another two pages of biology left and one page of maths notes.

"I'm about done though." I say looking up at them before looking back down at the paper where I start to write again.

"Right, well, we're going out for a bit, you two ok here for the night? We'll be back later." Dad says looking at us, his eyes travelling from Dean to me and then back again. The worry is evident but there's no need, I have Dean, the guy I possibly like and the guy that's my best friend and always has been.

"We'll be fine." I say from looking down at the paper where I'm writing what Dean has written, his writing neat and flowing, cursive but squiggly.

"You sure? I can always stay if you want me to?" Liam offers making me give Dean a look from the side of my eye, catching his and giving him a 'uh, really?' look which makes him give a smirk.

"We're fine here, just go do whatever it is you're doing and don't hurry back." Dean says in a light hearted tone, almost jokey making Liam give a cautious weary look to us and then to Dad as if he doesn't think we should be left here unattended.

"You're really making such strong point of making me want to leave you two here by yourselves." Liam mutters giving us a roll of his eyes, the whole older brother attitude and then the attempted go at 'street' language doesn't go with him.

"Just go, we're both sensible." I reply with a small laugh.

"Talk for yourself." Dean mutters making me laugh properly.

"Not helping you idiot." I mutter smacking his arm with my pencil.

"Ok, we're leaving. Don't do anything I wouldn't." Dad says before they're leaving with Liam giving us one last look. I don't know what he expects us to do, we've been left alone enough times by now to now we won't be stupid.

Once the back door is slammed shut behind them I throw my pencil down in almost a spasm attack takes over my hand and maybe a little bit of a fit of rage.

"What'd the pencil ever do to you?" he smirks almost instantly in his normal old jokey way.

"Give me hand cramp." I mumble with a slight laugh, definitely not my old one though.

It's weird, sometimes I think I'm back to normal and sometimes it makes me realise just how far away I am from normal and right now is one of them times because Dean seems like his old self again but then again, what would I know? Maybe he's just putting a front up to make me feel like he is to help me? Or maybe he is normal again and is just hopping that I'm going to join him on that 'normal', whatever the word means, soon.

We're caught in weird eye contact when I look at his brown eyes which are so full of sadness but longing and that weird thing again that I still don't know what it is and right now would be as good a time as any to find out what that thing is or for me to actually work it out.

And going by the eye contact it feels like he's going to kiss me but am I ready for that? I don't really know. In some aspects I am, I really truly am but in others I'm really truly not ready.

I know Dean, I know who he is and I know he won't hurt me in the same way as Louis did, heck, I know he doesn't try to intentionally hurt me when he does but it scares the sh*t out of me. Flashes of that night comes back in snippets and that's the reason I pull back a little, there is no way I'm ready for that. Not when I'm remembering that stuff and have the big swirl of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. It's too fresh in my mind. I can't, I physically can't, kiss him. Even if I know it's only Dean, only my best friend, the only person that can get me through this but at least if I ever do get through it then at least it'll be better because we've had to wait longer for that kiss, yeah? Or is that just me being stupid?