Really? My Best Friend?

Chapter 32

I wake up with light in my eyes and Dean lying next to me. His arm is resting up my thigh and his hand is under my top on my stomach stopping just under where my bra line would be, his fingers skimming just above that line and if this had been a few weeks ago then I would never have let this happen but now I just smile at it. I find myself wishing this could happen more often but then I just want to slap myself in the face for letting myself think that. I can't let myself be sucked into his life like that. He doesn't like me and the sooner that I get that the better.

Dean rolls from his back to his side- so he's facing me- and then his eyes flicker open and then a smile adorns his face. My heart thuds in my chest, hard and fast and erratically- damn this boy and what he does to me and makes me feel, at this rate he's going to know that I like him, maybe even love him the way my thoughts are going because all I can think about is him all the time unless I see the other idiot... but either way this is not how I want things to go between Dean and I, everyone knows he's never gonna settle down to just one girl any time soon so why does my head keep thinking that he might suddenly have a change of heart? Because I honestly don't have a clue what my head is thinking around about right now in my life.

"You look happy this morning." He says with a smile bringing his free hand up to mine and then I join our fingers together.

"Am I not allowed to be when I get to wake up to my best friend lying next to me?" I ask with a grin while putting our hands down onto the duvet.

"Of course you are babe." He says looking down at the way we're lying and by the look on his face he's only just realised where his hand is lying, his eyes meet mine asking the unspoken question, 'is that okay?' while saying sorry, a massive amount of remorse filling the look he's giving me. I smile at him thought because I don't exactly know what to say about it.

"How're you doing?" I find myself asking, seeing his face, seeing him, so distraught last night wasn't pretty. I've never seen him in as bad a state as that in my whole life and I've known him for so long now. His face looked and showed how broken he must have been and I can understand why, his Dad showing up out of the blue would rock him, heck it would rock anybody. His eyes, even now, have that and had that broken look about them last night and this morning and it's breaking my heart to see him like this. I don't want to see him go through all this, of course I will because he's my best friend but still, nobody wants to see their best friend go through something this big.

"I'm okay." he says, eyes averting down to our hands so he can avoid my eye contact. I never had Dean down as someone that would avoid someone in a situation like this but apparently I was wrong.

"No, you're not. I know you Dean and yeah I know what happened before, you've told me tones of times and now you won't tell me how you feel about him coming back." I say giving him my best glare for when he does eventually looks up at me.

"I'm fine Sophie. I have no right to be cut up over this especially after you having such a hard time. I'm a big boy, I can look after myself." He says, even his voice seems to be broken, showing how upset he is and if he thinks he's getting off with it then he's got another thing coming.

"Stop being such an idiot! I'm fine and you can easily get upset about something like that, everyone would, heck, I would! So stop bottling it up and just tell me! You never know, telling me might actually help because it helped me when I told you!" I snap back or at least it started that way but my voice fades to one of pleading, hoping he's going to get that he needs to tell me. He'll go into one of his moods and then bottle it all up and then suddenly explode and either way it happens I'll get the brunt of it.

"Yeah, it might have helped you but this is me we're talking about. Just leave it for now. I'm not ready to even think about any of it!" he says before he's detangling himself from me and then grabbing his bag where he takes his clothes out. Once they're balled up and clenched in his tightly coiled fist he storms off out the room and probably to the bathroom which is next to mine. The shower turns on and so I get up and go hunting for some clothes that I can wear to the dreaded place of school.