Really? My Best Friend?

Chapter 34

I had a weird dream though. I haven't dreamt since the incident happened and it was strange not only to actually have a dream again but because it was about what Dean had said earlier. Everything he said was in it and the only words that actually stuck in my head went something like, 'asked you out before he did or something like I wanted to' or 'I could have balled up and asked you out like I wanted to but I didn't know what I wanted at the time and now it's all too late' and 'I only like being strong for you!' and the whole time he was speaking all of these words I was silently crying to myself- in the dream- because he wouldn't listen to me about it. He said all the same things but he never did let me reply and then he walked off into the sunset, literally, and never once turned around to say anything or smile or anything and if that was to happen in real life I think I'd just die on the spot, right there and then.

Rolling over so I can look up at Dean I leave my head where it is for a second just letting myself take all the time in the world to admire how he is as a person, the way his jaw is strong and perfectly aligned, the way there's a very, very slight stubble growing on his face, how his eyelashes are so long and beautiful and how his lips are so full and pink, ones that everybody would be either jealous off or want to kiss, and the way they're curve up when he's happy making the most perfect shape, like silk jammies on skin or chocolate when you eat it.

"Are you okay?" I whisper ask him lifting our hands so they're on my cheek and his abs.

"Yeah, are you okay?" he asks lifting the hand that was on my hip before up to my face where he wipes just under my eye- okay, I swear to god can I please just stop crying today? Surely I've cried enough for one lifetime how can I even have any tears left in me? "And don't lie." He gives me a very small playful smile along with that though, his lips perfect and curved and just him.

"I had a dream, that's all." I say lightly while taking his other hand into mine and putting them on my chest where my heart is, I can see the moment it clicks in his head, a hint of a smile plays on his face while the other half just contorts into confusion.

"Was it good or bad? Or in other words happy or sad tears?" he mumbles so I close my eyes hopping that I can avoid his eye contact for this part.

"It was both but it was sad... if it's to happen for real I wouldn't cope." I reply before eventually opening my eyes, they feel like they're rimed with heavy mascara when they're not all because of the excessive crying and the sleep.

"What happened in this dream? Anything I can help with?" his voice is filled with wonder and curiosity as his thumb strokes the side of my face very soothingly.

"Just never leave me for the hills." I say before looking at him seriously in wait for his answer.

"I won't ever do that, I promise." He says so I push myself up into a sitting position and when I am sitting up I cuddle up into his side, my head on the side of his chest just in front of his shoulder where he very quickly lets his arm snake around me.

I let the silence fill the air, I don't think either of us know exactly what to do or say right now, we've never been here before, I've never had a situation like this and I've never heard of it either to be honest. I honestly have no idea what to do or say to him right now.

"Did you mean what you said earlier? About how you should've asked me out before he got to me? and, well, how you think it's too late now?" I don't look up at him as I say this, I just keep my eyes glued on the coffee table, my trust in him doesn't waver so I don't see any point in checking to see if he's lying.

"Yeah, I did. I was thinking about asking you out but then everything with him happened and then I got it into my head you would never go out with me that time you shouted at me for kissing you in front of him so I gave up all hope and then I got it back then lost it again and yeah, it's just one big circle with this." He replies so I do look up at him, my eyes scanning his face for any sign of anything, to see if he's saying he likes me or not, to know exactly what he means by all of this because I'm not letting myself get fooled by him, not him of all people.