My Raven... please don't push me away

four

Wednesday and I showered and cleaned ourself up, I didn't have much guilt while I was doing the deed with Wednesday. But now that it is over and I am filled with disgust of myself.
Oh..my..God.. what is wrong with me? Why in the fuck did I think that was a good idea.

I sat at the edge of my bed hugging my unicorn stuffy for dear life. I felt so ashamed of myself and how I could do someone like Ajax like that... I noticed the difference of how I feel with Ajax v. Wednesday. I should not be like that. Now that I think about it I think that I just used him as a cover up to hide my feelings from Wednesday. He was right I feel safer around a psychotic killer than him.

Wednesday had walked out of the shower and I turned to look at her. She was shirtless with only sweatpants and a sports bra on, still trying to dry her hair with her towel. In her hand she had a blow-dryer that was smoking up and the strap on in one hand. She threw the blow-dryer on her desk and put away the now cleaned strap on. I give her one thing... she is pretty organized and well-hygenic.

I leaned to the headboard of my bed and watched as she dismantled the hair dryer from my bed. She ripped off the back end and puller out the motor. "Thing." she said
a small pale hand with new stitches crawls from nowhere and jumps his way on to the desk. Wednesday shows the motor to Thing and says "Find this piece. or buy me a new hair dryer." she said this with a fairly stern voice.

I watched as she packed it in a small cloth bag and tied it around thing so he could walk with it more easily.

the girl began to rub her hair into her towel once again and walk over to her bed that had new sheets. She changed them after we were done. I watched her body as she was leaning over her bedside table to grab what I could assume to be her book for the night. She has like a collection of this Murder Mystery books that she reads every night. "You're staring Sinclair, why." she asked as she begins to choose her book of the night.
"How are you so calm." I asked her concerned.
She grabbed a book and leaned up to look at me "Because, I know what you did was out of spite. You wanted me to understand the concept of 'love'. and we both know this was a one time thing." Wednesday answers as she walks over to her favorite side of the bed and I couldn't help but watch her perfect posture.
"Why do you say that?" I leaned up, pushing my doll to the side of me.
"You love Ajax. What we did was pure lust, and it also seemed as if you wanted to prove a point." Wednesday says as she opens her book and begins to read.

"I-" before I even start my answer Wednesday glares at me "Before I walked out, I overheard Ajax said that you don't get scared when you touch me even though I am a psychotic killer. But when he- a harmless boy who couldn't hurt a fly if he wanted too. is touched by your hand your claws extend." my hands squeeze the life out of the doll in my hand.

I sat in silence, Wednesday looked back at her book and began to read.

I don't know why but the thought she did it lustfully and just because made my eyes watery. I cleared my throat and laid down. I grabbed my phone and began to binge something on Netflix. trying not to think about the harmful truth she was saying.

I did do it out of spite to prove Ajax wrong but by then I just proved him right. I really did love Wednesday Addams more than a friend before I dated him and now I love her more that we did something unforgettable.

I cried silently into my stuffy as I watched Kung Fu Panda 4.