Saving Herself

Troy was nice

 It was holidays.

Time was all theirs.

Troy lay sprawled on his bed, his phone on his chest.

It was already nearly evening.

And his attempts to reach Leonard had failed.

He opened his phone and scrolled through the many texts he sent. They were all on delivered.

His many calls hadn't gone through. Was there something wrong?

He sighed.

It means nothing... right? He might just be busy. Yeah, he's busy.

Troy stared at the display.

Just one more time won't hurt...

He called Leonard again. He pressed the phone against his ear, nervously nibbling on the nail of his thumb.

Please, Leonard. Please pick up.

"Hello?"

Troy abruptly sat up.

"Hello? Leonard? I thought you'd never pick up, heheh."

"...yeah. What's up."

Something was off.

"Is... everything ok? I was going to ask if you wanna meet up somewhen? Or do you have plans? Or-"

There was silence. Troy hesitated.

"Uh – Leon-"

"I think things between us should take their rightful end."

Troy halted. What is he talking about? Unsure about what Leonard was talking about and unsure if he was joking or not, he chuckled nervously. "What?"

"Troy. I can't be together with you anymore."

"Leonard... hahah... stop joking. It's not funny."

"I'm not. I know it's not funny."

It hurt. It hurt so bad.

"I'm sorry."

"Why? Did I do something bad? I swear I can fix it." Troy stood up, pacing through his room.

"No, no, Troy. You didn't do anything."

Troy grew frustrated, his voice started trembling. "Then why are things turning out this way? Please, Leonard. Just tell me what's wrong. You can't just leave and not tell me anything."

There was a long pause on the other end.

"I..."

Troy felt a sting in his chest.

"I'm sorry, Troy. But I think... I've made up my mind."

"And what is it that made you make up your mind?? I don't understand, please, Leonard, we were doing so well, weren't we? What happened? Did all of it mean nothing to you?"

"I'm sorry. I really am."

Troy could throw anything at him, and he would only get those bland apologies. Over and over again. It felt sickening. It all felt unreal, none of it made sense.

"I don't understand. We were doing so good together. And then suddenly I can't reach you and now that I do, you break up with me. Do you even care about me?"

"I do."

"Then... then what is all this?"

"I care about you, Troy. But... this isn't working. I'm sorry."

His apologies echoed in Troy's mind. The silence was killing him. The air felt suffocating. He didn't know what to do, to make this all stop. He was still trying to figure out a way, just anything that he could understand about the whole situation. Troy had so many questions. But all of them would be simply answered with an apology.

"I love you.", he said. His voice fragile, bound to break.

There was more silence. A painful pause.

"Just..." Leonard was struggling. "Take care." He whispered.

The call ended.

--

Hate me like this. Hate me like I didn't care about you at all. Hate me as much as you wished I loved you. Yet hating me for being selfish, for wanting all for myself, for being the coward that I am and for being senseless would kill me from the inside. I'd hate myself to see you hurt more. Truly, Troy. I hate myself.