𝙎𝙚𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙

❤️‍🔥 Peace in chaos ❤️‍🔥

Lizzy....

I never thought I would make it to this life again but God always has different plans. And I thank God for giving back my life to me. When life has turned it's back on me, Ryan showed up. He not only saved me but he has given me reasons to live again. I was physically hurt and mentally broken with all my life but he stood beside me no matter what.

Taking about my injuries it's almost healed now and I'm doing great with my health. It's been more than one month but the nightmares didn't let me get over my dark flashbacks. My own screams echoes inside me and let me tell you, it's the scariest of all. I never liked darkness not even in my room but the darkness I was hostaged in define what the real gloominess means.

The blackness which takes away the light of your soul, the hidden tears which never let you smile for real, the fears which runs faster than the blood flows in your body, it's all for real and healing over it takes time. Although I always believes in fighting back but sometimes you need to take a rest, hold on, polish your weapons again and wait for the right time to fight back.

I'm beyond grateful for what my friends has done for me, for us. They are family. They have always been. And will always be.

The feeling of looking at your parents again, the chance of hugging them again and doing everything you love and enjoy, actually living your life is something beyond indescribable. I can't mend into words how solace I have felt in all those moments of life. It's like God has given me the second birth in the same lifetime.

And within all these sleepless nights to me sleeping peacefully, I will tell you to live your life to the fullest. Without regrets and dissatisfaction. Life is a gem. Life is precious so your every single breath. Love with all your heart.

For me, this emotion has a single name tattooed and that is him. Ryan. I not only love him but I adore him for being him. He is just there and his presence makes my heart shine and dance. He looks at me and I'm on the seventh cloud. He smiles back at me and I'm home. He just does and it happens. To me. His every action means the world to me.

He has broken me in the ways only he can heal me. And you can never unlove your healer.

And Ryan is my healer. He is my reason to never give up on life. He is my reason I want to heal from every inch of my heart. He is the reason I have healed to whatever extent it is today. He is a band aid to my wounds. He is my peace in chaos. I love him with all my heart.

Yes, I love him more than I did yesterday but in the past month, we have never been on this track. He cares for me a lot but I doubt if he still wants to work on our marriage. Because I want to. I want to live with him. For once, with true emotions. Out of a marriage obligation, beyond our friendship, despite how longer it takes, I want him with the love I have for him.

But on the same page, I don't want him to live in any guilt but I also know that he is doing the same. He may not show upto me but I can read his eyes. I often feel that he is helping me out for rectifying himself. No, I'm not doubting or facing any suspicion, but I want him to make better decisions for himself. May be just a may be, but I don't want him to restrain his life in guilt just because of me. Ryan has saved me but he doesn't deserve to live in any self accusations.

My ears became numb when I got to know that Caroline is dead. She is gone for real. Even with vengeance and hatred she carried against me and almost killed, I would never wanted her to die. Because losing life is a big thing. There is no way of coming back from it and a young girl like her deserved better despite her evilness. But as I said, God always has his own plans.

Perhaps, I feel why this world is carrying so much of hatred inside it? Is there no humanity left for each other? How taking someone's life gives peace to the other? I wish Caroline could get a better goodbye but things didn't work that way. But I genuinely pray for her soul to get the peace now. And not here, but maybe on the other side, she might understand me.