Fractured

12. Carter

I didn't stop walking until the sound of the party had faded completely behind me. Even then, the noise in my head didn't cease. Every step I took felt heavier, like each one was dragging me further into the reality of what I'd just said.

I want it to be me.

The words played over and over, like some sick reminder that I had finally exposed myself—my feelings, my weakness—all laid bare in front of Lucas. What was I thinking?

He's my therapist and the only one I've been able to open up to. I hated therapists, psychologists—anyone who tried to analyze me to make me "better" or some kind of robot hooked on antidepressants, anxiety meds, anything to make me feel numb.

But Lucas was different. He didn't try to fix me, didn't force answers out of me, didn't treat me like a project or a puzzle he needed to solve. He just... listened. And somewhere along the way, I got lost in that, confused listening with caring, caring with something more.

And now I've ruined everything.

The air was cool against my face as I kept walking, each step quicker than the last, like I could somehow outrun the embarrassment or the ache that had settled deep in my chest. I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets, focusing on the rhythmic crunch of gravel beneath my shoes, anything to drown out the thoughts racing through my mind.

Then, I heard it—footsteps behind me. Fast, determined.

"Jessie, wait!"

Lucas's voice cut through the night, closer than I expected. My heart clenched, and I quickened my pace, not ready for this conversation. Not ready to face him.

"Jessie!" he called again, more urgent this time.

I slowed down, my feet dragging, torn between turning back and disappearing into the shadows. Before I could make up my mind, headlights flashed ahead, and the low hum of a car engine filled the silence. Faena's old blue sedan rolled to a stop beside me, and she leaned out the window, her brow furrowed.

"Jess, get in," she said, her voice leaving no room for argument. "Now."

I hesitated, glancing back over my shoulder. Lucas was closer now, only a few feet away, his expression a mix of confusion and worry. My heart pounded in my chest, torn between the two. Stay and explain or leave and pretend none of this ever happened.

Faena's eyes softened as she looked at me. "Jess, come on. You don't have to deal with this right now."

I swallowed hard, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over. Before I could stop myself, I took a step toward the car, and then another. Faena pushed open the passenger door, and I slid in without a word.

Just as the door shut, Lucas called after me again. "Jessie, please. Can we just talk about this?"

Faena put the car in gear, glancing at me. "You good?"

I nodded, but I couldn't bring myself to look back. Not at him. Not at the life I was leaving behind in that moment. The car started moving, and with it, I felt like I was finally breathing again, even if the air felt thin and strained.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, the tension in the air thick enough to cut with a knife. Faena didn't push me to talk, and for that, I was grateful. But as the city lights blurred outside the window, I couldn't help but feel the weight of what I'd just done pressing down on me.

"You don't have to talk about it," Faena said softly, breaking the silence. "But if you want to, I'm here."

I clenched my hands in my lap, my throat tight with the words I didn't know how to say. "I told him... I told him I wanted it to be me. When Karen kissed him."