The Rants and Thoughts I am Chained To.

Hatred vent.

TW: self deprecation, cursing, suicidal idealogy, bad mental health, frustration




































I hate this body so, so much.
I wish I could just discard it, switch up some parts to get what I want, finally be comfy in it.
It really is a flesh prision to me.
If I could, I would've mangled this damn thing years ago 
It would've been bleeding on the floor, thousands of gaping injuries, blood around it, blood in its lungs as it drowns in itself, a final betrayal from itself.
This body has betrayed itself before, many times. The AVM, flat feet, self destructive behavior...



It hates me just as much as I hate it.

If I was able, this body wouldn't be able to move it's fingers to type the words here on the screen. It'd be decaying in a coffin, never to be touched or seen in its filth again.

It's useless, I'm useless, we keep fucking each other over, nothing fucking makes it heal well, because my unmotivared, lazy ass is unable to choke out any will to do something to help myself.

I don't deserve what I have, I don't even act grateful for it, I take advantage of what I have because I'm a lazy brat who isn't willing to help itself.


Those bottles of medication look more and more tempting every damn day, I want out


I keep screwing myself over

I don't deserve the effort people put into me to try and help, because I don't fucking do anything with it. All it is to me is a minor shot of seretonin that fades in minutes.

Nothing works, and even if something should work, it's not like I have the motivation to do it, nor can I remember to

I know I'm self destructing, yet all I can do is just sit here and watch myself screw myself over and over and over and over