The Rants and Thoughts I am Chained To.

Random thoughts.

TW: Disassociation, derealization




















People really feel that the things around them and themself are real? They genuinely can look into the mirror and think: "That's me!" They can actually sit in a room and think: "Yup, feels real to me."
That's so odd to me.
Because when I look into the mirror, I see a human being. I control that human being. This flesh prison is the thing I am stuck inside, half controlling it, half not.
I am a being trapped inside this body, which I control and recognizing as my own, but not myself.

When I sit in a room, not focused on anything, it doesn't feel real. It feels like I'm looking through the eyes of somebody I am not and seeing what they are around.
Like I'm a spectator in a game, watching the other players run about whilst I watch, like a bodiless spirit, floating about the world with no sense of reality.

It's hard to put into words.
The feeling of being here, but also not. My flesh prision is here, but I feel as though I are not. Like I, myself am not real. I am not here. The body is. My consciousness is not.
I am something else, something that this flesh prision is not aware of. I am aware of the flesh prision, but the flesh prision doesn't know about me consciously. I control everything this flesh prision does. Everything it says, does, thinks, I cause it.
I simply am something inside this body, controlling the flesh and it's components.