Letters I Can't Send

7

Draco's POV

I study her. She had a meltdown because of those damn boggarts. But somehow, I calmed her.

Her face is still tearstained—why do I feel the urge to wipe them away? I tell myself not to.

"Let's just go back to the common room," she says and turns away from me and heads further down the hall towards the Slytherin common room. I quickly follow behind her but say nothing.

In fact, the whole way to the common room is silent. She seems fragile. I can't be the one to break her again.

As soon as we enter the dimly lit common room, she starts for the stairs leading up to the girls' dormitories. Instead, I rush her way and grab her wrist and she whirls around.

"You can't tell me something like that and expect me to just let it go, Ellis," I say and try to manage a small sarcastic smile, I look down at her, not even a half-a-foot between us, my brows furrowed in concern and wondering.

She just shakes her head and looks to be fighting tears. She bites her lip and avoids my eyes, staring at a spot somewhere behind me. I haven't let go of her wrist.

"I thought I told you," She says and meets my gaze finally. "My mum died last year and my dad is—merlin—we don't even know," she attempts a laugh but it's more of a sob, while blinking back tears. "D-don't tell anyone—please." She pleads.

"You mean you haven't told anyone?" I ask, lifting my eyebrows a bit in surprise. She shakes her head again. That's when the tears fall. I don't know what to do, what to say.

She slips out of my grip on her wrist and turns to the stairs up to her dorm. I watch her go because I have no idea what else to do.

..........

I sit on one of the leather couches near the fire in the common room for at least an hour and just rethink things. Me and thoughts to keep me company. She's up there crying—and, merlin, from what I know, what she's going through must be hard as hell.

Her mother died and her father is missing? Moved here from Massachusetts? Who is she living with? So much change cannot be good for her--for anyone.

I huff and stand from the sofa, making my way to the stairs and to the door of her dorm, where I place three gentle knocks on the wood. No answer. "Ellis?" I say from behind the door. "Can I come in?" no response. Did she jump out the window or something?

I do something that is so me, and open the door to her dorm and poke my head through the door to see her laying one of the beds, both hands tucked under her cheek, breathing softly. She's asleep. She looks so calm and...at ease. So unlike earlier.

I go to her bed and notice her leather notebook laying open on her nightstand. And, well, I can't help myself. I pick up the book and look at what she's written.

Her letters curve and whisk over the page, curling around each other in a delicate manor, like she knows when to reink her quill and press harder or softer. It's beautiful, actually.

Dear mom,

I didn't think I'd have to see you again, I didn't think I'd have to look at your lifeless body again. But I did, and it wasn't even real. A boggart, it's called. I saw dad's too. And I still haven't heard from him. Please, please, please—I want him to come back. I want you here and us to be a whole family again. I don't need the nightmares again. I don't want them. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and panic because I don't know where I am. All I want is to stay sane, to stay normal, to be okay. But that's so hard. I can't be honest with anyone, because I don't want then to see me as some girl with no parents or some girl who moved here from Massachusetts and likes muggle music  and books and old movies. I don't want anyone to really get to know me like you did, mom.

--Y/n

I stare at the note for a while, thinking, until Y/n stirs. She shifts in her sleep, but she doesn't look as peaceful as she did not too long ago. Then all of the sudden she jolts up, breathing hard and stares at me, holding her notebook.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asks angrily. I immediately drop the notebook on her nightstand.

"I was just—" she cuts me off.

"Go, leave—what are you doing here anyway?" she practically jumps from the bed and pushes me towards the door.

"Wait—Y/n—" I say but she's barely letting me speak.

"Don't use my name," she says through gritted teeth, then slams the door in my face. I hear a soft click, indicating the door locking.

I sigh in utter frustration. She regrets telling me the little bit of her past, I can see. But I don't want her to regret it. I want her to tell me everything about her past—she just needs someone to listen to her, with no one there to support her. But it shouldn't be me, right? Someone else, someone more reliable and understanding. Not someone like me.

..........

I don't see her for the rest of the day until she emerges from her dorm for dinner with Quinn at her side. She seems to be completely ignoring me now, not even sparing a glare for me.

I messed up. I know. I read her notebook (journal? Diary?)—but she told me things and I didn't know what to think. But that's her backstory? Some shitty way that had her end up in London at Hogwarts...

I can't stop looking at her either, staring at her and wondering what exactly happened and how she acts so cool around her friends—like nothing's going on and she's totally and completely fine.

"Ellis!" I call out to her at the end of dinner when everyone is leaving. She stiffens, I know she heard me, but she doesn't turn. She grabs Quinn by her sleeve and pulls her along, toward the dungeons, I suppose.

Merlin, this girl might just kill me. And I don't even know why. Some things I just can't explain.

I just shove my hands in my pockets and stalk off to the dungeons too. What use is it to talk to her if she'll just ignore me?

a/n: next one its way <3

i think that one was kinda short, so my bad, but some better plot is coming...