Letters I Can't Send

14

Y/n's POV

I flip through the pages of my notebook, my eyes scanning over the last letter to my mother. It was from over a month ago that I wrote it:

Dear mum,

So many things happened and I don't know how to tell you. I don't know if I want to tell you. The boy, Malfoy, he's just as annoying as ever, but he helped me. When I really needed it. I owe him, I suppose. But maybe if you were here, you'd know what to do about him—he can be nice to me and we can be like best friends, then, at the same time, we hate each other and want one another gone. The worst part is, I don't know which side I like best. I should have the obvious, straight answer, but I don't. And that's scary. Not the scariest thing I've been through, but scary in its own way—I don't want to see him as anything more than an enemy.

Love you,

Y/n

Although I cringe a little at my letter, it's all true. After the moment in Professor McGonagall's room, I tried to forget it and push it out of my mind, but it's hard when you're trying not to think about something, it becomes the only thing you think about.

I decide not to spend the time writing out another letter, and instead, just flip to the next blank page and write:

Merry Christmas, mum. It's not the same without you.

I don't care if it's cheesy—it's true.

It is Christmas eve. It's late at night and Quinn is asleep on the bed next to mine, while I sit upright under the covers, staring into darkness with a clear mind. The first time in a while it's been clear and I'm cherishing it. It feels nice to have absolutely nothing on your mind. It feels nice to know nothing is weighing on your shoulders and bringing you down. I take a nice deep breath and breathe in cool air drafting its way into the room. It sends shivers down my spine, but I don't mind. I take a moment to just feel.

Then something hits the window. I think it's just a bird who lost its way, until I see an owl (yes, I know an owl is a bird too) bumping its head into the window over and over again. I push the covers from my legs and make my way to window to unlatch it further, letting the owl inside. It plops onto my nightstand and I notice a letter dangling from around its feathery neck.

Curious, I take the letter from around the bird's neck and study the handwriting on the back of the envelope.

No. There's no way. I tear the letter open, eager to see if this is really what I think it is.

I tear the letter open, and a wicked smile creeping up my lips and tears stinging the backs of my eyes. Quinn stirs next to but I don't care if I wake her—this is far too important.

Tears crowd my vision as I try to read the letter and I have to take a few deep breathes to calm myself.

My daughter,

I'm so sorry I couldn't visit you in person—I'm afraid I have been moving around a bit too much for me to even know where I am, but I miss you. I know you have questions. And I can't answer them—which I'm also so sorry for, but I want you to know that I love you, and I left for both of our own goods'.

I couldn't get you anything, also sorry for that (am I saying sorry too much?). But happy Christmas! I hope it snows for you (I don't know where they put you after I left, but the owl is smart—I know that, she'll find anyone on earth, even if they're at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, she'll get the letter to you) and I hope you're happy. I promise I will find you once everything is over, and we can be a family again.

I hope you read this and at least somewhat forgive me. I know when I left, I was an absolute dick, (excuse my language) but I had good reason to go—which I will explain when I see you. Please do not send a letter back.

I hope you can find it in you to forgive me, and I love you. I miss you and don't tell anyone about this letter.

Happy Christmas, Y/n.

Love,

Dad

I'm wiping the happiest tears off my cheek after I reread the note for the third time. Yes, I am upset with him for leaving me stranded and letting others decide my fate and who can take care of me—but he is still my dad. Still the greatest man I've ever known. Still the person who let me stand on his feet while teaching me to dance. The person who made pasta and soup for me when I was sick. The person who read fairytales to me and drew pictures on my hands. He was the one who raised me, so I can't be mad at him completely. I haven't seen him in so long, so a letter, a letter from him is the most amazing Christmas present I could ever ask for.

I'm smiling and practically dancing around the dorm in the dark—nothing can explain the amount of joy coursing through me.

Quinn lifts her head off her pillow to look at me, confused. "What...What are you doing? It must be at least one in the morning..." She said groggily.

I grin at her through the night cloaking the room. "I got a letter," I say, tears filling my eyes again. "From my dad," The joy is barely being contained in my voice.

Quinn looks even more confused; she's half asleep—which doesn't help.

Then I realize, I haven't told her anything about my life and what happened. I've been keeping my past from her. I think it's time I tell her.

..........

It's about noon and the Great Hall is deserted, besides me and Quinn. We had I long talk last night and I told her everything from my mother dying, all the way up to the incident with the ice cream man—which she had the utmost sympathy for me. I cried, she cried for/with me, and I explained that I was sorry I told Malfoy before I told her, tried to explain that things just slipped out around him. She understood and said she was grateful that I told her at all. We hugged, and by then it was already morning.

It was and emotional night, but it's Christmas and there's snow, just like how my father wished for me. I still have the same at ease feeling from the night before—I try to savor it, because I know it won't last forever.

Quinn and I leave the Great Hall and take I walk in the snow that lightly dusted the grass in the courtyard, talking and laughing like we'd known each other for a lifetime. It feels nice to have a connection with someone again. And someone who knows my secrets and past. Refreshing.

a/n: a nice, cool, calming Christmas chapter before things go back to semi-chaotic-normal :)

also wanted Quinn to become more of an inside character, yk trustworthy and for Y/n to actually have best friend. We all need that.