Reflections of the choices

Chapter thirty three

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Notes:

"You should have already gotten used to these swings. Well, let's take one last ride".

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"But there's no man as terrified

As the man who stands to lose you

Oh, I hope I don't lose you

Please stay"

"Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone

Colin, barely having stepped out of the house, hurriedly headed to the stables, where the horse was already being prepared. His steps echoed hollowly in the silence of the yard, and with every hoofbeat, Colin's heart raced faster. Wasting no time, he leaped into the saddle and took off at once. His mind was filled only with thoughts of Penelope and how crucial it was to make it in time. At that moment, nothing else mattered but her. He didn't look back, knowing that every second counted, and his presence might be the only thing that could save the situation.

The wind whipped against his face, but Colin didn't feel the cold or the pain from the strained ride. He gripped the reins until his knuckles turned white, and his thoughts darted between the present and the past, between fear for his wife and the memories that tormented him along the way. Moments of their life together flashed before his eyes — moments of pain, fear, and hope.

He remembered the day he found out that Penelope had lost two children. The memories were as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. He recalled standing beside her when she couldn't hold back her tears and how helpless he had felt. There was nothing he could do to ease her pain, and that sense of helplessness had haunted him ever since.

When Penelope became pregnant again, they were both filled with anxiety. He remembered how every day she feared another miscarriage, and he didn't know how to cope with her fears without succumbing to his own. The pregnancy with Amanda had been particularly difficult. Each week brought new challenges, but they had faced them together. Amanda had been born healthy, as were the children that followed. But every pregnancy took more and more out of Penelope. After Charlotte's birth, the doctor warned them: another child could be a fatal risk to her health.

Colin had made a decision then: no more risks. They had agreed to stop at three children. Penelope had accepted this, and they had returned to a life without fear for her health. But everything changed when Colin recently learned that Penelope was pregnant again. He had been shocked and gripped by panic. The doctor had strongly advised against any further pregnancies, and Colin was certain they had made the right decision. But now...

He remembered the day he had accompanied Agatha to her debut. He had made the decision to return home to Penelope, feeling that her condition required his presence. He never took his eyes off her, but Penelope had only become irritated by his constant hovering. She pushed away his concern, and Colin, feeling he was only suffocating her, decided to leave for the countryside with the children, letting Penelope prepare for the wedding in peace.

And now, hearing the news that the labor had started too early, his heart sank. "I shouldn't have left her," Colin thought, as panic began to rise within him. "I won't survive losing her..."

The horse raced along the winding road, trees and fields blurring before his eyes. Everything merged into one hazy mass, but Colin noticed nothing but the frantic pounding of his heart. His thoughts revolved around Penelope, her voice, her pain. Over and over, he repeated to himself that he had to make it in time.

When he finally arrived at the house, he didn't slow down, throwing the reins to the first servant he saw. Without stopping, he headed for the doors, leaping over the steps, his legs carrying him as if they knew exactly where to go. As he climbed the stairs, he could hear Penelope's screams from the bedroom. The sound of her pain sliced through him like a knife.

"I'm coming, I'm almost there, darling!" he shouted, his voice trembling with fear.

Penelope continued calling for him:

"Colin!"

He burst into the room and immediately rushed to her side, taking her hand. She was pale, her face contorted in agony. He bent down to her and whispered:

"I'm here, darling. Everything will be alright. I'm with you."

Penelope, through the haze of pain, looked at him with relief:

"You came..." her voice was weak, trembling. "I called for you..."

"I know, and I heard you," Colin replied, squeezing her hand. "I'm here, and I won't leave."

Penelope groaned as another wave of pain hit, and her voice became barely audible:

"It's too early... He shouldn't be born yet..."

"Everything will be alright," Colin repeated, though he was on the verge of panic himself. His heart was breaking with fear for her and the child.

The doctor quickly entered the room, his face serious. Colin, sensing that something terrible was happening, didn't move from Penelope's side.

After some time, the doctor stepped back and, approaching Colin, quietly said:

"We need to talk."

"About what?" Colin asked, feeling the fear growing stronger within him.

"You need to make a decision, Mr. Bridgerton," the doctor said, his voice grave. "Who will live — the mother or the child. I'm afraid we can't save both."

Colin froze. His heart seemed to stop for a moment. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The thought of losing Penelope was unbearable. The doctor's words echoed in his mind as reality began to sink in.

"Mr. Bridgerton?" the doctor called, bringing him back to the present.

Colin looked at the doctor, then at Penelope, who, despite the pain, was still conscious, her eyes filled with terror. He understood there was no other choice.

"Save Penelope," he whispered. Those were the hardest words he had ever spoken, but he knew they were the only right ones.

Penelope, hearing his voice, turned her head:

"Colin! Something's wrong... I know something's wrong... You have to save the baby..."

Colin leaned down and gently kissed her forehead.

"I love you," he whispered, holding back tears.

At that moment, the doctor said:

"Mrs. Bridgerton, you need to push!"

Colin, still holding her hand, prayed silently that this wouldn't be the end of everything he loved.