overdose on love

heartbroken

TW: FLASHBACK ABUSE

Lotties pov:

I just made out with Jenna again, despite what Beckie told me, i dont care about Jenna its just a bit of fun. I will definitely not fall in love with her.

After i just made out with Jenna i see Beckie in the game room as im walking out the movie room. It looks like shes been crying...thats weird.

I go and walk upto her and see tear stained cheeks as she looks up at me.

As im about to say something she looks at me angrily, what the hell did i do?

"Lottie fuck off, please." She pleades me and i just walk off without another word because its not my place to ask whats wrong. Its not like i can comfort people anyways, i rubbish at that.

I walk back to my depressing room to see its bombarded by teachers. My eyes widen as i see then turn to look at me and smile. They then hand me 2 pills and a paper cup full of water. Why do i have a paper cup? Maybe just give me a plasic one or glass?

They then watch me take the pills and smile and leave. I shake my head before flopping onto the bed.

What a day today has been. Ive made friends with Beckie i think? Well tonight was a bit weird.

When i finally fell asleep it was the first time ive slept sober in a while. So i already knew what was coming when i fell asleep. I knew i would have a nightmare about my parents and when they beat me. It only happens when im sober unfortunately and i am sober now because its been a little over 2 hours and ive come down from my high. Now if i had my joints on me i wouldve just taken another one before bed, but no i had to try and sleep sober.

Walking home from school, ready to face the parents. No no im not. I open the door and immediately get a punch to the face which knocks me to the floor. I hold my jaw, where i was hit and get up. I look at my father and he was looking at me with that look in his eyes. Guess im gonna be too beat to go to school tomorrow. Fuck my life.

He grips my hair and forces me upstairs, this is when i start to panic because he might take me to the bedroom and everything that happens in there is bad. He does things to me oh no.

He shoves me onto the bed and punches my face multiple times. He kicks my stomach and i just let him do it because if i fight back 1. hes stronger than me so he can easily hurt me more 2. he can hurt me worse which wont be good.

I can see him grabbing a gun and he aims it at my head and in 3...2...1 bang.

I jump up trying to catch my breath from that horrendous dream i just had. Im sweating and my heart beat is going 100 miles an hour. I take a few deep breaths before leaving my dorm room. It wouldve been awkward if there were other people in this dorm room, waking up to your roommate pacing
and sweating. Sounds like a real dream of mine.

I think about the dream and my father had a gun and shot me. He fucking shot me. That has never happened before. I need some fucking weed and i need it now.

I walk to the public toilets as mine stunk and it also had a lot of shit in it. I was not gonna stay there for long in that dorm room. It wasnt any way for a human to live. It grossed me out.

I look at myself in the mirror and ive got bags under my eyes. I look fucking mint.

I wash my face with the tap water trying to calm my nerves down, that nightmare was intense. I quickly wash my hands before leaving the toilets and making my way back to my mental room. I need to move out of that room its driving me crazy. I take a deep breath before entering the dorm room and laying back in bed. I cant even check the time right now because they took my phone. I need to know the time otherwise i wont be able to sleep. God knows how people can live without time.