The Secret Life of Blythe

26. Blythe

He came to some sort of mental road block yesterday, I watched the screen's on and off throughout the day, nervous as the whole thing unfolding in front of my eyes.  It was one month exactly since he'd been on his own.  I considered getting in the lift and going to him if anything got serious. A month down here has mellowed me enough to not want to hurt him every five minutes. I could feel his pain from all the way down here. I watched his body rack and shudder on the bed and I decided that I no longer get any satisfaction at seeing him like that.  He's my baby daddy at the end of the day, I couldn't watch him hurt himself. My heads clearer, I'm still angry yes, let down, all those things, but there's a slither of love still in me for him. If it wasn't I wouldn't care that his heart's breaking, that he's in so much turmoil he can hardly breathe.

I hoped to see him get stronger. Not physically, he's that and more right now, but I hoped to see his confidence and mental health improve and until today it hadn't, he seemed to be getting worse.  I'm not sure what kind of epiphany he's had whilst he's been out hiking today but something's lifted his spirits. He listened to his therapist and left the house this morning looking like a mountain man.   I've never seen him unshaven, it pains me to say he wears it well.  He's left his chest now too.  He isn't an overly hairy guy but his chest now has a splattering of hair all the way down through to the muscular adonis belt of his groin.  If I wasn't still so disgusted with him I would be fawning over his new look.

I watched excitedly when he left the house, intent on looking at the nursery and getting outside for some well overdue sunlight.  I didn't end up looking at his nursery though, I want him to see my natural reaction when he shows me his hard work.  He deserves that after his troubles. Our son has nothing to do with his mistakes. So, rather than open the door to look, I took my hand off the door knob and instead I spent some time in the pool.  It was risky but I needed it, I swam lengths and I sat in the sun and then I padded back to the house when I was dry.  I couldn't stop myself from what happened next, I told myself I would lay in his spot in the bed just long enough to see how I felt about smelling him. It didn't happen like that though, his scent wrapped around me and before I knew it, I was asleep. I fell asleep curled up in the same space he was in only hours earlier.  I woke up with a start, judging by the clock I'd been asleep for three hours.  My panicked brain caught up with me as I brushed off the bed, removing the indent my body had made and checking my turbaned hair hadn't shed any strands.  I straightened out his pillow and I made my way back to the cave.  He got home one hour later.  It was too close for comfort as I guiltily watched him through the cameras, a cringe on my face, hoping I hadn't left any traces of myself behind.

He had a new bounce in his step,  he looked tired but not forlorn like yesterday.  I watched him eat his junk food, wishing I could steal some from him.  When he switched off the lights leaving it all on the counter, my irrational side came in to play.  I thought about the mess being left in the kitchen all night and I wanted to chastise him for it, I knew it would disturb my sleep.  It wasn't a healthy way to feel, but it's me, I can't help it. As if Leo could feel my anxiety the lights came on two minutes later and he cleaned it all up before making his way up to bed again.  I relaxed as a smug smile took over my face.

I heated up some soup whilst he showered, knowing I should get back to my work, but not being around humans in so long kind of makes it hard to stop.  When I sat back in the seat with my soup, he was getting in to bed, I was nervous about my earlier cat nap, hoping he wouldn't find any trace of me. My jaw tightened as I watched the duvet tent for the first time in a month, not long after he laid down.  He got out of bed a short time later, his erection so large, my jaw slacked, I'd forgotten how big he really was.  He looked different but the same with the new addition of his facial and chest hair.  My mouth dried up as I watched him pleasure himself, the pillow I'd laid my head on plastered over his face.  I know it's because he smelt me. He might not have known it but his body did, and when he whispered my name as he came in to his had, I felt hot anger wash over me as his pleasure was written all over his face. Why should he get any pleasure from me after what he did? I'm certainly not getting any thinking about him, the only thing in my head is him nailing her against a wall or a window. Him showing me how much he desired me didn't have the effect I thought it would that's for sure. It was at that moment that I realised I was ready to talk. There's questions I'm ready to ask.