Years Ago

Monster

I'm oh so very lost, I'm not sure where I've gone. I don't feel the same, I don't look the same, nothing makes sense anymore. I used to feel like I knew everything and now I feel that I know absolutely nothing. The world keeps spinning yet I remain confused.

Why did I have to be born in a world such as this, cruel, cold, and lonely. In this world we drink to forget, smoke to ease the pain, and eat to fill our hearts yet we will never feel complete. In this world one can never be satisfied no matter what, it's in human nature to continue wanting more. Us humans are greedy and vile yet some of us don't feel human at all, why do you suppose that is?

Perhaps some of us were never truly human to begin with or maybe we're the most human of them all. I've been considered strange since the beginning of my life yet everyone around me appears to be the strange ones. Why do they eat to fulfill their boredom? Why do they eat at all? Why do they cry when they're sad? Why do they break things when they're angry? Why do they laugh when they're happy? It just doesn't make sense to me. I'm filled with so many questions yet none are answered.

The world is a cruel and unfeeling place, no that's not how it goes. The world is full of cruel and unfeeling "people" if they can be considered that. If anything the world seems to be full of monsters and those that are vulnerable will be punished for being weak. If you want to survive you must fight and if you cannot fight you must die, that's how it works from what I've seen. Everyday is a fight to live, to breathe, to even get out of bed. What is so natural for others feels like a burden upon my shoulders.

Why must I go out of my way to consume food? Why must I force myself to get out of bed? Why must I live? The universe is made up of questions, I bet somewhere out there in this never ending void there is a universe where my questioned will be answered. There's no point pondering such things I suppose since it takes so much of my energy. The only way I can continue living is to just consume the drugs they give me in order to make me feel like life is worth living. Even though they don't make me feel that way I suppose I'll pretend so I don't die like the many others that have who were in my place.