𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐞 || 𝟏𝟖+

𝐒𝐈𝐗𝐓𝐘

I feel as if I'm Bambi stumbling through this cold apartment. Drops of red wine drip onto the floor as my hands cling to the fragile bottle. Empty walls close in on me, white and emotionless as they crush my lungs.

What I would give to be sitting in Seb's dorm room full of our friends. I want to hear their laughter. I want to get a bone crushing hug as I leave. I want them back. I want myself back—more than anything on this earth.

My body slouches over the cold kitchen island, Seb's voice being a soft whisper in my foggy brain. It gets closer, louder, but I can't decipher what he's saying until his hands land on my shoulders, shaking me lightly.

"Are you listening to me?" My lips twitch upwards on instinct. "I'm sorry, baby; school has been really stressing me out." You've been stressing me out. That's what my body begs to say, over and over until I release myself from the curse that is this life with him.

"School? Try working for a fucking day, Valentina." The bottle slips from my grip as he holds it captive. His eyes full of nothing but darkness as he looks down at me. "You won't let me.." My voice is quiet, but not quiet enough as the glass shatters at our feet.

"If I could trust you, you'd be able to fucking work, you hear me?" I hear you loud and clear. "So next time you want to have a smartass comment, think about what you've done." He practically spits at me with his words. I feel myself wanting to crawl into the closest hole in the wall and never leave.

"I'm sorry, baby." I'm sorry I ever gave you a fucking chance.

"All you ever are is sorry. Yoy wouldn't have to be sorry if you didn't fuck everything up, you know?" I feel his finger under my chin, but I refuse to meet his eyes. "Such a beautiful face with such a disgusting woman inside."

His hand drops a second later, leaving me to sit in my own head again and again and again.

|TWO MONTHS EARLIER|

"Viv I cannot fucking believe I got you away from Adonis for the night. This must go down in history." My fingers lace with hers as I drag her into the elevator, her feet stumbling underneath her to keep up with me.

Such a wannabe party girl, in the best way, of course. If anxiety were a human, it would be her. Yet that makes me adore her all the more.

My stomach fills with a pit so deep I don't think it would ever fill. My heart shatters piece by piece as I stare at my best friend, the girl who's shown me what love really meant, even if it was platonic.

I know soon I may never see her sweet face again. I know I'm soon to break the friendship of all of us apart. I drag Rhea over to New York, and this is the life I'm about to give her.

Sebastian is a cruel man, but maybe I'm the evil one for giving in to his little fantasy. I never understood the one eighty he did on his own friends or why he felt the need to have so much power over him, but I'm afraid he has just as much power over me.

I never meant to ask for help; I wish I never fucking did. Yet, when your parents are losing the house they've spent over two decades turning into a home, naive me thought I could ask for a little help. Help I meant to repay in physical money, not this.

Sebastian is hell bent that Adonis is ruining business being Vivian. He sees her as a distraction, something she never could be. I don't know why he thinks breaking the two up is the solution or the proper way to repay him, but I feel as if I'm being pulled by both arms, and if I don't let go of one, I'm going to be ripped in half.

I know I'm evil. There's not a gentle bone left in my body. How does one pick their parents or their best friend? I don't believe there's an answer that'll make anyone pleased.

"I have to pee soooo bad! I'll be back!" She rushes through the door, her heels clicking against the tile as she runs towards my bathroom. FUCK. I listen for Adonis' footsteps, knowing he heard the sound of her sweet voice. My poor baby, I am so sorry.

"Hi Adonisss" My voice is sickly sweet, although I've never felt more disgusted in my life. His nose turns up at my words, watching every moment as I take short steps towards him. "Hi Valentina, where's Sebastian?" I place a hand against his chest, watching as he shrinks back at my touch. He loves her with every molecule of his being; fuck me.

"Valentina, I find it's best you go to your fucking room." His eyes practically burn mine out of my head, looking down at me with pure hatred. I know he doesn't like me, and I know he doesn't like Sebastian. I wish I could scream what's really going on at the top of my lungs, but if I am anything, it's not dumb.

I lean forward, rising on my tiptoes to get almost nose to nose with him, my hand crawling up higher towards his neck. "Don't try to deny it; I see it every time you look at me." No, I don't, and thank God for it.

"Valentina, get the fuc-"

"What the fuck!" Seb and Viv say in fucking unison, making my face scrunch up, peeling away from Adonis. Face full of shame as I take a few steps away from him.

"Angel..." His voice softens as he looks at her eyes well up with gentle tears. The way he rushes toward her makes my heart ache, not only wishing for that kind of love but wishing it wasn't me making her cry.

His hands rush up to her cheeks, whispering down at her so softly I can't pick up on it, but I wish I could. Gentle love is my favorite kind of love.

My imaginary scenario crumbles away as a hand wraps around my arm with a little too much pressure for my liking. There's my kind of love. It's what I deserve; I know it. "Our room, now Valentina." He yanks my tired body towards his, pulling us through the now crowd of my friends.

I see nothing but hatred as I glance at each of them—everyone but Rhea. Such a sweet girl who should've never had to endure being friends with me.

The door slams behind me as he pushes me into our room, the bang echoing through my ears. "Are you fucking crazy Valentina? Are you that much of a fucking whore that's the only way you thought to break them up?"

"But I thought—I just—I didn't know what else to do, Sebastian." His hands run through his hair, tugging at the ends as if he's about to pull each strand out. "You fucking disgust me." My hands grow clammy, itching to reach out and show him kindness, even through all of my anger towards him.

"I knew it, you know. I fucking knew you were into him!" His voice raises higher than it ever has before as he shoves everything off our dresser, letting picture frames and jewelry crash to the ground. "But I'm not! I never fucking would be!"

My chest hurts; I feel like I can't breathe as I gasp for air. My vision tunnels in, the black surrounding me in a cold hug as I lean against the door frame. "Seb—-baby.." My voice goes quiet as I clutch to my top, begging for the slightest amount of touch to calm my stress, but to no avail.

He lets me sink to my knees, watching as I gasp to fill my lungs with air. He's cruel, sick, and the man I hate the most in this fucking world. This is what you deserve. Valentina...

Vivian sobs softly against my chest as her hands grip onto my shirt as a sign to never let her go. It took a solid hour to convince her there's not a woman on earth I'd choose over her.

I don't know which thought hurt her worse, me betraying her or Valentina.

Anger rips through me at the flashback. Her drunken voice rings through my ears, the feeling of her hand pressing against me making me nauseous all over again.

I never saw it fucking coming. I never saw the sick look on Sebastian's face coming either. If I were in his shoes, you wouldn't be able to torture a smile out of me. Yet there he was for just a brief second with that smug look on his fucking face.

The fear of losing the only woman I'll ever love again almost made my own eyes fucking water as I watched stray tears stream down her face.

If I could stop her from ever crying again, I'd do whatever it took to make it happen. Not even with a room full of her friends stopped her from the heartbreaking sob to slip through her lips as I pulled her away.

I was certain she'd hate me, never want to see me again, slam a few doors in my face, and leave to never be seen again. Not that I'd let that ever happen, but it was a painful thought that ripped through my chest.

"Promise you'll never leave me." Her soft voice cracks as she looks up at me with watery brown eyes. I run my hand through her hair for the millionth time. "No matter what universe, you'll never be without me." I finally saw her soft smile. I never know how much I need to see her smile until she stops.

"You're so cheesy." Her hand softly slaps against my chest. "I love you, more than words could ever express."

"I'll love you until my final breath, Vivian."

Her small frame rolls on top of me, pressing a kiss against my chest as I wrap my arms around her. How the fuck did I get so soft? I never thought I'd crave the feeling of her pressing against me the way I do right now.

She's the sunshine on a rainy day, the breeze on a hot summer day, and a rainbow after a thunderstorm. Everything people long for—that is what she reminds me of.

"Are you hungry?" I brush my fingers up and down her spine, watching her squirm at the sensation. "Starving, but I don't want to get up." She groans, flattening herself out as if to keep me in bed. "I think I can help with that."

I wrap my arms around her, sitting us both up from our comfortable position. Her laughter fills my heart as she clings to me in fear of falling. "Adonis!" Her head nestles into my neck as I stand us up, making the way down to the kitchen.

"You said you didn't want to get up; this is me keeping you from getting up." I glance downstairs in hopes everyone has gone to the respective rooms for the night, and to my delight they have.

I keep my pace slow in fear of somehow hurting her. Although it's practically impossible, the fear still lingers in the back of my mind.

"Sit here and look pretty." I set her down on the kitchen counter, pressing my lips against hers for a moment. Her hands come up to my neck, holding on to me tightly as if this were our last kiss on earth. I grip onto her waist as we savor this moment for just a little longer.

She's the first to pull away with a smile. "What's on the menu, chef Adonis?" I have no fucking clue. "What are you thinking, angel?" No one has gone grocery shopping since god knows when, but I'd make shit out of thin air for her.

"Ummmm..." The puzzled look on her face puts a smile on my own. "You have a stupid thinking face, you know." Her jaw drops at my words. "I do not!"

"I should've taken a photo and framed it." An oven mitt comes flying at my head as my words trail off. "That's what you get! Now... I'm in desperate need of pancakes."

"You and your freaky sweet tooth." I've never been one for sweets, always more on the savory side, but I think she's changing my mind on sweets and almost everything else in my life.

I love you, and I'll love you for an eternity.

🌸🌸🌸

RAHHHHHHHH!!!

Hi you guys:)

i miss you i miss you i miss you all soooooooo much

im sorry (as usual) for the slow update, it's so hard to have time and think. I never want to dish out a shitty chapter:(

thank you all for the love this book has received!!!

60 chapters DOWNNNN!!!!!!

i hope you guys really enjoy and soon for chapter 61!!!

Love,
ash:)