Your Secrets Safe With Me (Brallon)

Anxious

(a/n: whoop whoop look who's actually getting things done and really trying to get her book refinished)

*DALLONS POV*

    Anxiety chilled me to my bones as I leaned against the wall under my window. Just when I thought my life was going fine, just when my anxiety was starting to edge it's way out of my life and the sun was starting to shine through the dark clouds, my worst nightmare literally ran into me. Those chocolate brown eyes haunted my dreams, sparkling with a twinge of laughter and reflecting everything I really wanted to be. He was my favorite dream and my worst nightmare all wrapped in a scruffy haired, emo boy.

    I had worked so hard to get in with the popular crowd, not just because I wanted to be popular, because I had to be popular. My brain was convinced that if you were not the most popular, then everyone hated you. I had never been able to deal with being hated. It took too much work for me to throw away my reputation over a boy, no matter how gorgeous, he was an emo boy.

    He was always in my head, changing my dreams for the future so that he was in them. I had know I was bisexual for a long time now, but never had I fallen this hard for a boy. No matter how hard I tried to avoid him and get him out of my head, everywhere I looked there he was. At lunch I had the torture of watching him with his friends, I knew he couldn't see me because Breezy and her friends were always crowded around me, but I saw him. And when I walked by the music room yesterday morning on my way to debate, there he was singing with his friend. God he had the voice of an angel.

    The clock on my nightstand read 7:00, I had been up most of the night having anxiety attacks over what would happen if someone found out I liked a guy, especially one that wasn't popular. I pulled myself off the floor and went across the hall to the bathroom. I could hear dishes clanking down stairs, I swear my parents forgot I existed, I could get arrested and they wouldn't notice or care. There were dark circles under my eyes, which made sense because I had been up most of the night, I splashed water on my face to help them go away before I ran my fingers through my hair and let it fall back into my eyes.

    Checking the time again, I threw on a red and white quarter sleeve and a pair of black skinny jeans. I was going to have to hurry to get to debate on time, not that I really cared I just needed it for college applications. The real reason I wanted to get to school early was to see if I could hear him sing again.  It wasn't very common for me to be late to school, most mornings I wanted to get out of my house, but that one morning, the one time I was late to school, I met the boy that had changed my life, and I didn't even know his name.

    Running down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab breakfast, I looked around and everyone was gone. No one had left any food out for me. This what life was like in my family, I could get straight A's and be an honors student and no one ever noticed. The only one that really cared about me was my sister, Hannah, but she had moved out of the house years ago, so I was constantly without support. Rolling my eyes at the ignorance of my family, I grabbed a cup of strawberry yogurt and headed out the door.

   
    When I got to school, I went directly to the music room so I could hopefully stand outside, unseen, and listen to the boy sing. I didn't hear him, but his friends were playing. They were actually really good, I had a thing for rock alternative music, though when my friends asked I pretended I listened to the same crappy pop music they did. Realizing I wasn't going to get to hear the voice I wanted to, I walked past the closed door and headed to the debate room. My two best friends, Jack and Alex were already in there laughing like always. Maybe I wouldn't call them my 'best' friends, they could be kind of mean and they only knew the me at school. They didn't know any of my secrets, like that I play bass or I had a crush on an emo boy, but they were people to talk to.

    "Dallon, you gotta come hear about what we did to that little dweeb yesterday." Alex laughed when he saw me come in.

    "Yea, we got his homework and I think we broke one of his ribs, it was hilarious. He's even got new body guards, the incest brothers." Jack joked along with Alex.

    "You guys are dicks, what did that poor kid ever do to you?" I laughed along with them, I hated that they were such bullies, but if I stopped being friends with them I would drop on the social ladder so fast. These two could ruin lives so fast.

    "He doesn't fight back or anything. I lowkey think he has a pain kink of something because he's always got cuts and bruises all over him." Alex seemed like he was about to die he was laughing so hard at what he had said.

    I just rolled my eyes and sat down in a desk next to them, hoping we could quickly change the subject. Alex and Jack were a weird couple of guys, they were insanely close and had been friends since they were in like kindergarten. There is one class where I have just Alex in and it's weird. Without Jack, Alex is super quiet and reserved, he doesn't joke around as much and he definitely doesn't talk about who he beat up.

'So Weekes, there's a football game tonight. Alex and I were gonna take some cheerleaders to a party afterwards and see how drunk we can get them. Wanna join? Breezy will probably be there." Jack leaned over, resting his elbow on Alex's shoulder.

Oh Breezy, the girl that had been crushing on me since like the 6th grade. She was super pretty and a cheerleader, but she just wasn't my type. She was a little bit of a cheerleader stereotype, ditsy, party girl, you know the whole high school cheerleader thing. Besides, now I had my eyes on someone else, though he probably didn't feel the same way.

"No thanks guys, I got plans tonight.", that wasn't a lie, I had scored these awesome last minute tickets to Blink-182's sold out concert.

That was win the bell rang, saving my form having to give an actual explanation. There was no way I could tell them that I was going to a Blink-182 concert, hopefully no one would ever find out. I desperately needed a night to have some fun by myself where no one would judge me, where no one knew me and I could just be myself for a night.

"So, Dally, Alex tells me you aren't going to come watch me cheer tonight. We've been working on me stunts, just for you." Breezy pouted as she sat on the table at lunch.

"Sorry Doll, gotta study for those SAT's, gotta get into Ivy League." I laughed, trying not to convey the true reason I wasn't going to the game.

Breezy went back to talking about the new cheers and stunts they were doing at the game tonight or whatever. My gaze was drawn to a table in the back of the cafeteria, close to the windows. There sat a scruffy haired emo boy who didn't even see me. His lips drew back in a smile and his eyes sparkled, just like in those dreams I had. I could still feel the way he gingerly took my hand, I was afraid that if I held it too tight I would break his wrist. He seemed so fragile, but yet like he was tough, not naturally though. His toughness came from experience, pain that he had built up walls to defend.
"Earth to Dallon. Come in Dallon." Alex shouted across the table to get my attention. "Bruh you've been so spacey lately."

"It's probably all that SAT studying he's been doing instead of partying with us, seriously bro, you look like you need a night out to relax" Jack was right, but my idea of a night to relax did not include under age drinking and pre-maital sex.