Falling for the Fire

Chapter 40

*Brooklyn's POV

I laid there in the dark with Ariana's warm body cuddled up against me. I couldn't stop thinking about how this went against everything that I'd been doing for the past year, but I couldn't help myself.

I wasn't going to leave her to sleep alone after what had happened. And what if it happened again and no one was here to help? It wasn't a chance that I was willing to take.

Maybe this would complicate things between us, but we would cross that bridge when we got there. I was stubborn, but not stubborn enough to leave her like this.

I figured that Ari would have fallen right to sleep, but it seemed like she was still awake thinking about something too.

"Having just as easy of a time as I am falling asleep?" I asked quietly.

She pulled back slightly as I loosened my grip on her, and she looked up and nodded. There was still a sadness in her eyes, and I kept wishing that I could do more to help.

"I thought I was going to pass out, but - " she paused for a moment, "yeah it's not happening."

"I um, I don't want to make you think about this again," I started, "but I just - I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that...I can't even imagine."

She stayed silent, and I worried that I'd said the wrong thing.

"Thank you," she finally said.

Ari had laid her head back against my chest, and I started to trail my fingers through her hair. It had put her to sleep before, maybe it would help again now.

"I know you don't usually like to talk about any of this," I told her, "and I obviously understand why...but if you ever want to, you know that you can."

"I know," she said as she nodded slightly against me, "I...it's still pretty hard for me to talk, or think about."

"That's understandable," I said, "sorry for bringing it up again, I just wanted to make sure you knew."

"No it's okay," she responded, "I appreciate it."

Another few moments of silence passed between us before she spoke up again.

"I don't understand what the hell my mom thinks she's doing."

It was hard to know what to say without upsetting her further, and that was the last thing that I wanted to do.

"I mean I didn't expect her to never move on," she continued, "but while he was sick and - his fucking best friend?"

It seemed like she just needed to rant, and I was glad to let her.

"And now she thinks she can explain it to me and make it sound okay...want me to forgive her? It's just..."

Her voice trailed off, and I moved a hand down and gently rubbed her back, trying to comfort her the best that I could.

"I don't know what she could possibly say that will make any of this better," she said.

I waited for a few minutes, making sure that she didn't have anything else she needed to say before I spoke.

"Do you think you'll ever want to hear her out? After you've had more time I mean."

"I - I guess I'm not really sure," she sighed, "maybe there's more to the story that would make it better, but I highly doubt it."

"I get that she was going through a lot too," she continued, "slowly losing her husband, having to see him get sick like that...but it still doesn't excuse what she did."

"No it doesn't," I agreed, "you're right."

"Sorry for unloading all of that on you," she said quietly.

"Don't you dare apologize," I laughed, "I literally just told you that you could talk to me about this if you wanted to."

"I know, I know," she responded, "but it's still a lot."

She moved slightly further away from me and propped herself up on her elbow.

"I'm probably scaring you away, aren't I?" She asked.

"No," I grinned, "you're definitely not, you don't need to worry about that."

"Well I don't want to..." she trailed off.

"I know," I quietly responded as I rested my hand on her waist.

She laid back down and looked over at me, and I felt myself getting ready to do something that I very rarely did yet again.

"My dad um," I started, "it was a - a car accident, he got killed in a car accident."

I couldn't figure out what it was about Ariana, but I felt so comfortable around her now. I felt like I could pretty much share anything with her, even if it was something that I never told anyone else.

"Jesus Brooklyn," she said with a concerned look on her face, "that's - that's terrible, I'm sorry."

"Thank you," I responded, "maybe I shouldn't have told you that right now, you have enough to think about."

"No it's fine," she quickly said, "it's kind of nice to know that I'm not the only one who has been through something extremely fucked up and depressing."

She gave me a soft grin, and I knew she was trying to lighten the mood.

"I guess that's one way to look at it," I shrugged as I grinned back at her.

She closed the distance between us and gave me a slow kiss.

"I think I need to try and sleep again," she said.

I nodded in response as she leaned back against me, and both of my arms wrapped around her waist.

I kissed the top of her head, hoping that she would be able to get some rest this time.

My eyelids felt heavy, but my mind still wouldn't slow down as we laid there together. My fingers trailed absentmindedly back and forth over Ari's back as I felt her breathing grow deeper and more steady.

I could tell that she had finally fallen asleep, and it at least gave me a little peace of mind.

I kept wishing that I could do the same, but there were a million thoughts running through my head. They were all bothering me, but the one that was scaring me the most is how normal this was starting to feel.

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