See you again ✓

• 14 • Thoughts about you •

Jamie's point of view

As I stacked and packed my bags, my heart felt heavy. So many memorable events, warm people, and moments of peace would soon be just memories I had the pleasure to share. Once I finished, I sat on the bed, watching around my room before my gaze settled on the bouquet of anemones I had placed on the table.

It was indeed the same bouquet that Collin had given me before I run away from the bookstore. Should I take it with me to Green Hill or leave it here? I couldn't decide. This bouquet held sentimental value. It reflected our relationship, but I was afraid it would wilt during the trip. What good would a wilted bouquet bring to me? It was as if our relationship was fading away as much as it was wilting. In my indecision, I hope I could make up my mind by the time I had to leave.

As I went upstairs, I could already hear the sound of a guitar and voices humming along to the music. When I reached the terrace, I saw only Janice, Rose, Terrence (one of the servers and Collin's regular bartender) and two other people I hadn't had the pleasure to meet yet. No sign of Collin. Maybe he was in the kitchen? Or maybe he wasn't here yet? Or perhaps he wouldn't come at all? A glint of worry and disappointment washed over me as I walked toward the others. Janice handed me a beer and introduced me to the people I didn't know. It was Nick her husband, and their two-year-old daughter, Raphaelle. I complimented their daughter's cute little face before settling onto one of the sofas next to Rose.

As the hours passed and we started our third song, Collin finally appeared. He looked good as he always did. So good in his casual outfit it could be a sin. He greeted everyone including me and his presence was a total relief. Just the smile he gave me was enough to make my heart race, pounding against my reason. When Raphaelle spotted her uncle, she ran to him, eager for him to pick her up, which he did.

Terrence was in charge of the music, skillfully playing the guitar. Janice lived almost downtown, but since Collin only left Chaston once a month to restock the bookstore and lunch bar, he rarely saw her or Nick for that matter. Janice opened him a beer and we all gathered around the table where various snacks were laid out while Collin went to the railing behind us with Raphaelle in his arms.

"Here Raphaelle, that's Orion. And over there is... um, well, whatever that is." he said, pointing dramatically at a random cluster of stars.

"Uncle Cole, are you sure that's not just a plane?" she asked, squinting skeptically.

Cuteness overload.

"Hey, planes are the new constellations. They've just gone...corporate." he retorted with mock seriousness.

Terrence then started playing No Rain by Blind Melon and we all sang along, clapping our hands to the rhythm. We sang, teased each other, laughed until we cried and took turns playing with Raphaelle to keep the alcohol from getting the best of us. It was a moment of joy, sharing and once again a memorable time for all of us. Collin and I exchanged brief glances - some tender, some shy - like teenagers discovering their mutual attraction for the first time. After all, love knows no age.

***

Janice's family already left a moment ago, along with Rose and Terrence late in the night, leaving only the two of us behind. Sitting side by side on the sofa, we embrace the silence that enveloped our night, dominating our interaction. What a peculiar way to spend my last night in Chaston, I admit it.

"It's gonna be a long trip. Maybe you should rest as well. It's 02:00 AM already." Collin took a peek at his watch.

Why was he still keeping formal addresses to me? I looked at him in a way he could see confusion well written all over my face.

"Don't give me this look." he said as if he managed to read through my facial expressions.

"I'm giving you no look." I feigned.

"Yes, you are. And I know what you're thinking." he insisted. "Jamie, are we really going to set aside formalities because we've explored downtown together, shared several drinks, not to mention what happened at the bookstore that day and...the way it felt?"

With the effects of alcohol, I easily flush and Collin's last words didn't leave me indifferent. I really had a low tolerance in alcohol and I really should stop reddening myself in front of him this way. It was starting to be embarrassing.

"See?" he rose his eyes to me. "This is exactly why I prefer keeping formal addresses." he stated.

"You truly are one of a kind, you know that." I finally admit.

Now it was his turn to furrow his eyebrows in confusion as he crossed his arms on his chest.

"For someone who runs a bookstore, you're not exactly an open book yourself." I pursued.

"What do you mean?"

"Sometimes you are lively and engaging, but there are times when you are silent and intriguing. You don't say much, you just act and give enough to make people coming back for more."

I turned to him and concluded "You are polymorphic, unpredictable even incomprehensible I would say."

"And yet you have just established the psychological profile of someone you're claiming you don't understand. Isn't that contradictory?"

"It was a vague psychological profile I settled here. There were lots of gaps."

"You say that I am incomprehensible, yet you seem to understand my silences quite well." he asserted.

"What makes you say that?"

"You don't seem bothered by them."

"Anyway, you're still a fascinating puzzle." I teased him and we both snickered before that same silent filled our atmosphere. It has became our main communication mode, these times around.

"Well, it might be time to leave. You wouldn't want to tire yourself before your trip."

"I don't want to go back to Green Hill." I said, lowering my eyes.

"It would be selfish of me to ask you to stay."

"Yet that's what I would've liked to hear." I admit, vulnerable.

"And what I would've liked to tell you, but I fear it's not what you truly need."

"Did I imagine all of this, Collin?" I asked him spontaneously, facing him directly.

He remained silent. I needed answers from him, an escape route to help me balance my feelings and my thoughts but I was also afraid that if he ever replied, he might inadvertently close that one and last door.

"Since the beginning at the lunch bar, our trip in downtown, what happened at the bookstore, all of it - did I imagine it all?" I pressed.

"No, it was all real." he finally replied, his gaze focused on the void, as if he was recalling our shared moments.

"Then why is it so difficult to make a choice?"

"Because we both know the weight of our decisions and their consequences." he explained, adjusting his posture to face me more directly and running his hands over my face.

"Jamie, you have no idea what's going on in my mind right now. Many thoughts are running in my head and particularly thoughts about you. It's like an endless chain reaction that I am restraining against my will. And do not think for a second that this is easy for me because God only knows the effort it takes to restrain myself from acting impulsively."

I could feel a tear slipping from my eye as he was sharing me his true feelings. His words felt heavier than my actual heart.

"Jamie Allen, I really am attracted to you," he added with a smile. "But if I must close my eyes today so I can see you again tomorrow, I will do so with no hesitation."

He placed a kiss on my forehead before pulling me tightly against him, unwilling to let go of each other. Funny, upon arriving in Chaston, never could I ever have anticipated that this place would have such a hold on me. And now, as I'm resting in his arms I realized that this inn marked not only the beginning of my unforgettable adventure in Chaston but also the end of it.