The Arrangement

Chapter Eighty-Two

Blair

I think the evenings have become my favourite part of the day.

I used to hate them. Most of the time I'd be alone in my apartment or occasionally dragged out with Tif which usually involved escorting with some sleezebag. The thought of another empty evening spent scrolling through my phone or binge-watching shows just to fill the void used to fill me with dread.

Whereas now, being curled up on the couch, listening to Carter pick apart the plot to a movie or Henley purposely trying to wind Ashton up and Lennox playing peacemaker, have become my favourite part of my day.

I know the whole point of this arrangement was the sex aspect and I'd be lying if I said there hasn't been a lot of it over the last week. That part has become such a small aspect of the time we've all spent together. Sure, the physical connection is intense and exhilarating. A fiery spark that ignites every time we touch, but it's the moments surrounding that spark that have set my heart aflame in a way I never anticipated.

Like when Henley sits out on the deck with me in the morning, telling me about his favourite trails or showing me pictures of his favourite places out here. Or like how Lennox will lay in bed with me at night telling me all about his family, the vacations they used to go on when he was a kid.

It's the normal moments when it's really been hitting me that I don't know if leaving is really what I want to do.

I know Lennox asked me to stay, but since then he hasn't said anything about it. Nor have the others. I know there's only a couple weeks left of the arrangement but I guess I had assumed that seeing as I hadn't signed the documents Carter gave me, that there would be more discussion, some acknowledgment of the bond we've been building. I clearly wrongly assumed that surely, after all the moments we've shared, the laughter, the intimacy, the vulnerability. I thought they must feel it too, right? But instead, there's a silence that hangs in the air, a reminder that time is slipping away.

The fact that they haven't said anything causes an ache in my chest that's been building as the days have gone on. Especially after how special this morning had been with Henley and Lennox.

Yet as the days gone on there's been a kind of atmosphere that's settled. One that I don't like at all. It's subtle but palpable, like the tension hanging in the air before a storm.

I've noticed the sidelong glances, the moments of silence that stretch a little too long, the hesitations before someone speaks. It's as if we're all dancing around a topic that no one wants to address. I can't help but wonder if they've all come to a silent agreement that me staying is not on the cards, that the arrangement we entered into was always meant to have an expiration date.

And tomorrow is that day.

After all that was the agreement. I agreed to stay until this week was up and then I'd be going home.

Back to my own life.

Even though in truth I really don't want to.

It's stupid. I know it is.

This was never going to be a long term thing. I knew that from the beginning and Henley even said himself that they've never had someone stay with them past the three months. So I don't know why as I sit on my bed, thinking about leaving and not seeing them again it brings tears to my eyes.