In Between Us || Zhanyi

Untitled Part 21

Last work: 13/09/2024

Living in the dorm felt like plunging into a void that swallowed everything he thought he knew. Each night, the silence in his room grew heavier, suffocating, like a weight pressing down on his chest. There was a hollowness here, an ache that refused to subside, as if he'd left behind not just the home, but a part of himself that he could never reclaim. The laughter and muffled voices drifting in from the hall only sharpened his isolation, reminding him of what he'd lost and how far he was from Zhan, from anything that felt real.

He had thought that putting distance between them would bring clarity, give him a chance to piece himself back together. But instead, the separation only magnified his failings, each day in the dorm deepening the chasm between who he was and who he longed to be. Without Zhan nearby, even the simplest routines felt hollow, and each meal he ate alone, every restless night in an unfamiliar bed, whispered that he didn't deserve the warmth he had left behind.

Here, stripped of his connection to Zhan, he wasn't just alone—he was adrift, unmoored from the one thing that had given him purpose, haunted by a gnawing sense that no matter how hard he tried, he could never be worthy enough to fill the emptiness within. His life left aimless.

**********

Currently Yibo was standing by the window of his dorm room, gazing out at the darkening campus. The soft, chilling breeze drifted in, played with some of his loosen hair. He leaned forward, watching life carry on from the quiet solitude of his room. He couldn't stop his thoughts from drifting back to the moment he saw Zhan in the college corridors, his face pinched with discomfort, his hand moving up to press against his temple.

Nowadays, Yibo had shadowed Zhan from a distance, moving through the hallways like a silent observer, his every step trailing quietly behind his husband. He never let Zhan saw him. Afraid of rejection, afraid to be his insecurities, afraid of unknown.......Yibo not for once showed up around Zhan. Luckily this week he didn't even had Zhan's lecture too. He didn't know whether it was a relief or another ghosted longing.

Zhan didn't noticed the small, worried glances or the way Yibo's heart would tighten when today Yibo had seen his husband. The hints of strain on Zhan's face.....him rubbing his temples, his tensed posture, the slight tremor in his hand as he massaged his head, and the dark circles under his eyes all pointed to one thing—Zhan was stressed.

Yiboswallowed down the pang of guilt. "This is because of me" he thought. 

Yibo's world was filled with the sharp whispers and casual gossip that circulated around them both—remarks he often wished he could ignore. Today, though, it was impossible. He'd heard the group of girls, their voices lowered but sharp, gossiping in hushed tones about his husband.....his grip tighten on his backpack strip but nevertheless he was stoic as usual from outside.....as if nothing happened.

Though some comments lodged in his mind, echoing with a biting clarity.

whoever he would choose, would be damn lucky........'Yes, he is definitely lucky to be chosen by Zhan'

He is such a gem - a total package - he has all, looks, money, reputation...what can one want more?......'For them, being with someone like Zhan seemed like a golden ticket—a life handed over in luxury, effortless. Though not wrong, Zhan was really a gem who had everything then for what he was fighting? What was there for which he was thriving?'