WHEN LOVE FAILS

CHAPTER 13 - The Dilemma of New Love

After returning home from my trip, I couldn't shake thoughts of Wonnie from my mind. We had exchanged messenger accounts before parting ways, and now I found myself staring at his name on my phone, unsure of how to proceed.

"Maybe I expected too much?"

I murmured to myself, hesitating to reach out. Fear gnawed at me, whispering that I might jeopardize the connection we had shared if I pushed too hard.

As days turned into weeks, I realized that avoiding love out of fear wasn't a solution.

"I have to face this."

I told myself one evening while scrolling through our photos from the trip. Each image reminded me of the joy we had shared and how effortlessly we connected. The realization hit me hard: every relationship carries risks, but the potential for joy and growth is worth it.

"Maybe I'll never meet someone like him again?"

I thought, feeling a newfound determination swell within me.

With my heart racing, I finally decided to reach out to Wonnie. I typed a message, my fingers hovering nervously over the screen.

"You can do this, Jeremiah!"

I whispered, trying to calm myself.

I hit send: "Hi Wonnie, are you home now?" A wave of anxiety washed over me as I contemplated the possible outcomes of this small yet significant step.

"I hope it doesn't get awkward."

I worried, envisioning the worst-case scenarios. Would he be receptive? Or would he feel pressured and pull away?

Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself that uncertainty is part of any relationship. I couldn't let fear dictate my actions any longer. I pictured the laughter we shared, the way our conversation flowed, and the spark I felt that day.

"This risk is worth it."

I reassured myself, heart filled with hope as I waited for his response.

The minutes felt like hours. Every notification made my heart leap—only to drop when it wasn't him.

"I hope he's not too busy..."

I muttered under my breath, battling insecurity. I couldn't help but replay our time together, his smile, his sparkling eyes.

"Come on, Jeng. You just have to trust again."

Finally, my phone buzzed. My heart skipped a beat—it was Wonnie.

"Hey! Yes, I'm home. I was just thinking about you! How have you been?"

Relief flooded through me, lifting the weight off my shoulders. I smiled, warmth spreading inside me.

"I'm okay. You? I already miss you!"

I quickly typed back, excitement bubbling up. This was it—the start of something new.

After a few moments, he replied again:

"I missed you too! I was so happy when we were talking at the beach."

My heart soared.

"I hope it happens again. I was really happy, especially because I met you."

"Definitely! We still have a lot to see and do. Maybe I can show you my favorite spots next time?"

I could imagine it—hidden gems in the city, shared meals, more laughter.

"I'm excited already! What are your favorite spots?"

He replied quickly:

"There's a beautiful park with tons of flowers. Areumdapda—as in beautiful! Perfect for picnics."

My heart skipped a beat at the thought.

"Wow, sounds really pretty. I can already imagine it. Let's go!"

As our conversation flowed, I realized the bond we shared was growing, and I was grateful I took the leap.

"I can't wait to see it! How long are you staying?"

Maybe I'm not excited about the place... maybe I'm just excited to see him again.

"One more month. Why? Do you want to see me again?"

His words made my heart race.

"Umm... of course! I want to spend more time with you."

The thought thrilled me.

"Do you want to meet on Sunday? We can explore that park you mentioned."

"Sure! That sounds perfect. I can't wait!"

I could feel his enthusiasm through the screen. My heart swelled with anticipation.

"You should rest for now. I know you're tired too. See you soon, Jagi."

He called me Jagi again. I remembered how gently he had said it before.

The word caught my attention, just like the first time. I felt a flutter in my chest.

Does it mean something deeper? Or is it just a casual term in Korean?

I gave in to curiosity and searched it on Google. As the result popped up, I smiled—it meant darling.

"W—what?" I whispered, jaw dropping.

I had always felt butterflies when he said it. I thought Jagi was just a cute nickname.

"Okay, Jagi. Goodnight."

I sent it back, nervous and strangely brave. My heart raced.

Everything around me faded, leaving only the sound of my heartbeat pounding. My smile stretched wide, warmth spreading through me, igniting something I wasn't sure I was ready for.

I couldn't explain what I was feeling, but one thing was clear—I was completely lost in him.

Yet, I couldn't help but feel torn. There was an undeniable spark—something real, something that gave me hope. But also, fear. Fear of being hurt again.

Is this love... or just the thrill of something new?

I was caught in the confusion, uncertain of which path to take.

That night, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I found myself lost in thought. What if all of this leads to nowhere? What if this is just another fleeting moment in my life? I hated that part of me still carried doubts, but I couldn't deny they were there. Healing doesn't mean you stop being afraid—it just means you're brave enough to try again despite it.

I turned to my side, hugging my pillow as if it could ease the ache of uncertainty. "Maybe I'm just scared to be happy," I whispered. Because deep down, happiness had always felt temporary—something borrowed, not truly owned. But for the first time, I didn't want to run from it. I wanted to fight for it.

I pulled out my journal and started writing. Not about him, not about anyone—but about me. My growth, my dreams, the little moments that made life meaningful. I realized I wasn't just waiting for love. I was building the kind of life where love could enter and feel at home.

And if one day, love did knock again—I'd be ready to open the door, not as someone broken, but as someone whole.

Still, some nights, when the waves whispered outside my window, I found myself missing the shore... missing him. The ocean breeze carried the memory of that day—the laughter, the light in his eyes, the way the sea shimmered between us. It made me wonder if somewhere across those same waters, Wonnie was thinking of me too.

C