WHEN LOVE FAILS

CHAPTER 2 - Emotional Baggage

Manuel's POV:

As we continued talking and sharing stories, I grew to appreciate Jeng even more. He was full of life and energy, and whenever I was with him, I felt genuinely happy. We would discuss things that were hard to share with others.

But despite all that happiness, there was one thing I couldn't deny—I was carrying emotional baggage.

Sometimes, even though I was happy being with Jeng, I would still think of Marco, my ex-boyfriend. I couldn't forget him. Whenever Jeng and I would talk or get intimate, it felt like a part of me was still stuck in the past.

I knew this wasn't healthy for us, but I wasn't ready to close the door on what I had with Marco. Our conversations continued, but with each passing day, I realized more and more that I couldn't fully invest in this new love while my heart was still tied to a former relationship.
I remained trapped in my own past.

As Jeng slowly walked away from me, I couldn't help but question and regret,

Was this the right decision?
Was this really my decision?

I could no longer see Jeng in the distance, but I knew he left with tears in his eyes—and I knew I was the reason his heart was broken.

I was overwhelmed by a flood of emotions I couldn't fully express. I whispered to myself, almost hoping that somehow Jeng could still hear me.

Jeng, why did I let it end like this?
Why did I allow you to get hurt?

I murmured, regret and guilt lacing each word. The weight of my own indecision was now painfully clear.

I clenched my fists, feeling the sting of my own mistakes.

How could I hurt someone who loved me completely? He gave me so much, but I couldn’t even give him assurance,
I said, the painful realization that I had taken Jeng's love for granted hitting me like a tidal wave.

"Jeng!" I called out into the emptiness, hoping that somehow, he could hear the desperation in my voice. But all that answered me was silence.

I remembered our last conversation just moments before he left, the way his eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

“It’s like I’m always the second choice. Like you don’t really love me.”

That statement hit me like a punch to the gut. It forced me to confront the fact that my heart was still tangled in my memories of Marco.

“Jeng, please, give me time. I just need—”

“Time? Manuel, I don’t even know what I feel anymore!”

His voice was full of frustration, and I could see the shadows of doubt clouding his once-bright eyes.

“You know, I just wanted a chance. I wanted to move on,”
I confessed, my voice breaking under the weight of my words.

“But it’s hard, Jeng. So many memories of Marco keep coming back. I don’t know how to let go.”

His expression softened for a moment, and I saw the understanding flicker in his eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with memories. But don’t you realize you’re hurting me while you’re still unsure about us? I love you, but this situation is painful.”

I looked down, ashamed. I wanted to scream, to express the frustration I felt towards myself for holding onto the past.

“I know this is hard for you, but I can’t be second in your heart. This is hard for me too—because while I’m loving you, you’re still not done loving someone else,”
he said, the hurt evident in his voice.

My heart sank as I realized the depth of my struggle. I had never truly let go of Marco. No matter how much I enjoyed being with Jeng, the memories of my ex-boyfriend were like shadows that loomed over us.

“I don’t want to hurt you, but... it’s just so hard to forget him.”

Jeng’s eyes widened, and he looked away, hurt flooding his expression.

“So in your mind, your heart is still with him? Why am I even here, then?”

“I don’t know… I thought I could move on with you, but every time I try, Marco’s face comes back. Do I still love him?”
I said quietly, feeling tears stream down my cheeks.

“Sorry again? At least be honest with me about what you want! Do you want to go back to Marco?”
he said, his voice trembling.

I shook my head vigorously, though I wasn’t sure if I was convincing him—or myself.

I don’t know! I want to be with you, Jeng. But it’s like I can’t fully leave Marco behind, in my heart and in my mind.

“Then what’s the point?” he shot back, frustration rising.
“If your heart still belongs to Marco, then go to him. I don’t want to be in your way. I don’t want to be a bandage for your past.”

His tears streamed down, and I saw the ache in his heart.

“Jeng, please don’t say that. I care about you. I just… I need time to figure this out,”
I pleaded, desperation creeping into my voice.

“Stop, please. Because while we’re wasting time here, I’m hurting. You should focus on rebuilding something better—with him…”
he replied sharply, his words cutting deep.

“…Thank you for everything. It’s hard, but I know you’re not the one for me,” Jeng cried.

“I’m sorry, Jeng, if I only ended up hurting you. I hope you find someone who’s already done loving their past, so that you can experience a love that is whole and undivided,”
I replied, tears streaming down my face.

“I don’t regret meeting you. Take care of yourself always. G-goodbye,”
he said softly, then turned to leave.

As I stood there watching him walk away, I felt as if the ground beneath me had shifted. I wanted to scream after him, to tell him that I did care for him deeply. But I knew it wouldn’t matter; my heart was still tangled in the past with Marco.

In the days that followed, I found myself haunted by memories of Marco. I would catch myself daydreaming about the times we shared—his laughter, the way he held me close, the promise of forever we once spoke of. The memories washed over me like a tide, pulling me back to a time when everything felt right.

As we parted ways that evening, I felt a glimmer of hope. I knew that rebuilding what Jeng and I had wouldn’t be easy, but for the first time in a long while, I felt a sense of direction. My heart was still tied to Marco, and perhaps it was time to confront that truth fully.

Back home, as I lay in bed, I thought of Jeng—his laughter, the way he made me feel alive. But it was Marco’s memory that lingered, a reminder of a love that felt irreplaceable.

I’m so stupid! So, so stupid!
I whispered to myself, crying, feeling the weight of my choices. I knew I had to make a decision soon, but deep down, I understood that my heart still belonged to Marco.

In that moment, I knew I was left with only the echo of Jeng’s love—
a love I might never get back.
A love I know… I wasted.