Crowns And Shadows (MXM) (Book 1)

XLII: Unbridled Rage

Rowan

I lunged at him with anger so immense, it probably surpassed the heat of the dragon's throats. This man had taken advantage of my trust, of my care. Assisting the enemy? That wasn't even the worst part. He had broken something more than just my trust and I felt like such an idiot.

He had no resistance as I held my blade at his neck with his back to my chest. I should've just done away with him immediately and dirtied the ground with his blood.

"I'm going to kill you," I said, barely a whisper into his ear, "I'll gouge your throat out and feed it to the crows. I'll throw your intestines to the dogs."

Still he said nothing. He didn't even flinch. "Fight me you idiot!" I yelled. Still, he said and did nothing. Not even as much of an explanation just to calm me down.

My blade nicked his neck slightly and the blood trailed down his neck in a small stream. I couldn't get myself to harm him anymore and just let him go, letting his body drop to the ground. We stared into each other's eyes, mine clearly begging him to say that it was all a lie. That what we had was true and not just a scheme to take down my kingdom. But his silence was like an admission that all I thought was true. But regardless of knowing that, I still couldn't harm this man.

I stormed through the battle grounds, my heart racing with a fury I could hardly contain. Betrayal cut deeper than any blade, and Garrick's treachery weighed heavily on my mind. Home should have brought comfort, but the air was thick with tension, a stark reminder of the battle that had raged both outside and within my own family.

As I entered the great hall, the sight of my father propped up on the settee sent a jolt of anxiety through me. His wounds were being tended to by my mother, the queen, whose brow was furrowed with worry. But it was my sister, Aria, who broke through my haze. She rushed to me, her arms wrapping around me in a fierce embrace.

"Rowan! I was so worried!" she exclaimed, her voice trembling with relief.

"I'm fine, Aria," I replied, pulling back to meet her gaze. "The battle is over for now, but we need to plan our way forward. How's father?"

We stepped outside into the fading light, and I could see the worry etched on her face. "Father is alright. But what about Hyacinth? She left just before the war started. What if she-"

"Hyacinth is probably alright," I assured her, though doubt gnawed at me. "She'll be fine. What about you? Are you okay?" I had taken notice of the bags under her eyes and the dark circles. The stress of all that had suddenly occured must've taken a toll on her.

"I'm fine." She was lying. But regardless I urged her to just go and get some rest.

I made my way to my chambers, craving solitude to process everything that had happened. I needed to clear my mind. But as I tried to gather my thoughts, a soft knock at my door disrupted my solitude.

"Rowan?" It was Aria, her voice shaking. I opened the door to find her standing there, pale, with Garrick lurking behind her. My heart sank, a surge of anger bubbling to the surface.

I moved to shut the door, but Aria's hand stopped me. "Please, Rowan! Let him speak."

Reluctantly, I stepped aside. Garrick entered, his posture tense, blood still dripping from his neck.

"Make it quick," I snapped, arms crossed defensively.

He hesitated, the tension thickening in the air. "I was a spy," he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I helped your enemies." Deep down I knew the truth but having him say it out loud was just heartbreaking. "I put the poison in their waters," he continued and I felt like ending him.

My heart raced with fury. "Why? Why would you betray me like that? Why won't you just lie to me?"

"Because of what we have. I don't want to lie to you anymore," he said, desperation in his eyes. "The love, the passion, it was all real, I swear."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "And that makes it okay? It doesn't mean that I should forgive you. You had one too many chances to tell me the truth!"

"I wanted to," he replied, frustration breaking through. "But I thought I had no choice. I wanted to avenge my father. I wanted my way back home."

"Back home?" I echoed, confusion seeping into my anger. "What are you talking about? Your father?"

Garrick took a deep breath, his gaze distant as if lost in memories. "It doesn't matter anymore. I just want you to know how sorry I am and I want to help."

My heart softened at his desperation, but the hurt was still there. "I can't forgive you. At least not right now."

"I know," he said, remorse etched on his features. "But you have to know that by the time I realized I wanted to turn back, it was too late. I tried to help as much as I could. I sought the aid of the dragons through my friend Thalia."

"What was the reward for helping the other kingdom? What did you gain?"

Garrick's face darkened. "A crystal that could open the doors to my home island."

Silence hung heavily between us. I felt the weight of his pain, and for a moment, anger gave way to understanding. "So you're leaving?," I asked softly. "Good. I never want to see you again after this."

"I understand," he replied, desperation flooding his voice. "Does this mean you accept my help?"

I stepped back, trying to process everything. "It depends. How do you plan to help?"

As the last rays of sunlight disappeared, casting long shadows in the room, I felt a complex mix of anger and a guilty lingering affection for this man. Is this what it felt like to be mad?