Taylor Swift is my therapist ( no really)

Chapter 6

My hands were shaking as I walked towards Taylor's office. I was coming here again, to talk again, to share my emotions again. I hated opening up , my parents made me feel like I could never talk about what was going on, and even though I wanted to trust Taylor, it terrified me. I wondered if I could get out of this somehow, tell her I'm sick or can't make it, but she would still make me come again, there was no escaping. Plus, I enjoyed not being home as much as I could.

I walked in to the building again, heading straight to the reception desk to check myself in. I took a seat and bounced my leg as I tried to calm myself down somehow. There was one other girl in the waiting room, but she appeared to be older than me , maybe like in her mid twenties. I could see that she was nervous as-well, I guess everyone is terrified of being here. Soon enough a door clicked open, but it wasn't Taylor's room, it was someone else's. Then I saw Joe, walk out looking very clean and out together. Great, he's also a therapist.

He gave me a gentle smile and he headed over to where the other girl was sitting across from me. "Hi Alex, nice to see you again, ready to come on back?" He asked, so gently and calming, I could see why him and Taylor were a good match. "Um..uh.. yeah I guess.." The girl replied. "Okay great, follow me" he said smiling at her at an attempt to try and calm her down I suppose. When they walked off into his room, I was left as the only person in the waiting room. My eyes returned to my lap, picking at the skin a round my fingers, trying to distract myself from all the voices in my head. All of a sudden I heard my name and looked up. "Hey Amelia" It was Taylor. She greeted with me a warm smile and walked over to me. "Uh..hi.." I replied, barely able to form words because of how anxious I was. " Let's takes you back to the room okay, I can tell that your really anxious right now.." I nodded and stood up , following Taylor and then first actually looking at her. She was dressing super casual again, with some wide jeans and a really nice sweater, her hair looks like it had been thrown into a pony, probably due to her tiredness at the end of the day.

We walked in , her talking a seat in he chair and directing me to sit in the chair, as soon as I sat down I started bouncing my leg again, and staring at my lap because I was not making eye contact anytime soon. "Okay honey what's going on.. you're very visibly anxious right now."
I just nodded, knowing speaking was to hard for me right now. "Amelia, look at me" Taylor said, gently shuffling her chair closer to me. I slowly looked up trembling. "Good girl, there you go, now I need you take some deep breathes okay? You're completely safe here." I nodded and tried to relax again, I took some deep breathes and readjusted myself on the couch. "Okay, so what's going on hun?, you look terrified"
Taylor asked turning her head to the side like she was confused. "I.. um.. I just really hate talking about my emotions, and after the last session, I was really anxious about speaking to you again." I had lost all eye contact again, and was back to staring at my lap.

"Thank you so much for telling me that, therapy isn't easy for anyone, it can be super challenging to talk about your emotions, but I promise you the more we do it the easier it will get okay?" She gave me a sympathy smile and I nodded. "Okay then, take another deep breathe, and then we'll just talk okay? Just talking." Taylor said, laying back in her chair and grabbing her notebook out. "Okay so how have the last three days been? School, family, parents?." I just gave out a deep sigh, wondering how I was gonna cover this up. "Yeah, it's um.. been fine I guess.." Taylor looked at me suspiciously. Shit " You guess huh?.." " Yeah I don't know, it's fine.." Taylor shuffled again lowering herself down to meet my eye contact. "Amelia, it's obvious you're lying and not telling me something, we really don't have to talk about it if you don't think you can, but I would like to know."

At this point I just admitted defeat, releasing I should just tell her these things, I mean, she's saying she can help. "There's just been a lot, my parents continue to drink and then argue, which distresses my younger sister, so then I have to comfort her when she's crying, while also trying to stop them fighting, it's just a sad, toxic cycle." "Wow, thank you so much for opening up to me buddy, does it feel any better to have told someone?" I sighed, realising it was actually better when you tell someone " um yeah I suppose so." "That's great hun, so your parents when they fight , are there usually triggers for the arguments?" " I mean, whenever your stupidly drunk, I guess they can fight about anything really, and then the rest of the night is wasted away just spent comforting  and reasoning, it's just gets so draining you know?"

"I totally understand honey, I can't imagine you have to go through this, your feelings are one hundred percent valid okay?" I just nodded looking at the ground. "So do you also feel the same distress any panic your sister gets when you fight? Oh no. Not my sister. Anything about Izzy makes me so emotional, I could already feel the welt in my throat. "Uhh.. no not really, when she's crying and sobbing I just feel .. nothing .. really.." Taylor writes something down and then turns back to look at me. "I think you're just so accustomed to this , that your body doesn't react or feel anything anymore, that's not okay Ams." I knew it wasn't, being numb every single day was so draining, I just feel nothing, " I know your parents are so against it, but I think Izzy should get some therapy as-well, while she is still feeling all the emotions, she might find it really helpful to talk to someone about it, and you shouldn't be her only support system Amelia, not at your age."

My parents are going to hate it , but Taylor's right, Izzy should also be doing this. We're both so fucked up from our parents and it's so unfair. I just wanted to collapse and start sobbing, but I wasn't going to do that Infront of Taylor , I just wanted to leave, o hate talking  about this stuff. "Okay hun, we are getting towards the end do you want to take a second just to process all of this?" I nodded, and just sat quietly. "Okay ams, take some deep breathes okay, you shared so much today, I'm so proud of you." After a little bit Taylor said it was time to leave so I stood up and made my way to the door.

"Hey Amelia?" Taylor asked, stopping me in my tracks. I just looked up at her slowly . "You can't totally say no, but would I maybe be able to give you a hug? I think you could really use one right now." She looked down at me, giving me the most inviting and happy smile ever so I nodded. She embraced me in her arms, and for once, I felt comforted , like it was all going to be okay. She held on for a bit longer until I gently withdrew myself and we headed into the waiting room. I was so overwhelmed by  the feelings of everything that happened in that session that I just wanted to leave. I got booked in for anther three days, and when she said I could go I practically ran out of there.

I ran around the corner and crouched down, immediately breaking into sobs. I couldn't keep doing this, opening up to her and sharing all my trauma, it was to much, I was not going to that next appointment...

Hello everyone! Thank you for everyone showing me so much love and support on this book! I got some requests for some updates and I wanted to get one done right away now that I'm back from my trip 💕I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do for these next couple chapters, so any ideas or requests would be very much appreciated:)
Thank you everybody! Hope you enjoy