Love Games

Forty - five: Falling in love with you

I stand on the range and put on headphones to reduce the ambient noise. I open the gun and load the bullets as if I have been doing this all my life.

My hands work autonomously, as if I knew what to do.

The targets are ready, their white surfaces pristine and inviting.

I hold my breath, tense my body and fire.

Adrenaline floods my veins with a feeling of intense pleasure.

The stress warehouse breaks as I fire the bullet, which hits the target with a final crack right in the center of the head.

In that moment I feel unstoppable, overwhelmed by a fierce sense of power and control.

I shoot and shoot until I run out of bullets. Each shot echoes in the room and I am overwhelmed by a feeling of liberation.

For the first time, I realize how much this relaxes me; all the stress and tension that has been building up inside me is slowly dissipating.

As the last circle echoes in silence, my heart stops, but only for a moment.

The feeling of relief that comes from a moment of silence is priceless.

The smell of gunpowder calms me, but at the same time I am overwhelmed by a wave of questions.

What is happening to me?

Who am I at this moment?

Why am I so drawn to this?

In a moment of confusion, I drop the gun and remove my headphones in fear.

I stare blankly at the equipment, aware of how this experience has changed me.

I feel something awakening in me that was not there before, but at the same time it frightens me.

I lean against the wall, my heart beating faster as I am surrounded by thoughts I cannot shake.

Maybe I was just looking for a way to escape the reality that surrounds me, but this relaxation wakes me up.

All that I have repressed now returns to the surface, but this time in the form of a dark attraction that both fascinates and frightens me.

I inhale deeply, the smell of gunpowder enveloping me again, almost like an old acquaintance soothing me.

I think about how each shot has freed me from the weight that had built up inside of me, and I can't help but wonder if this is just a momentary euphoria or if this is the way I want to keep going.

Something draws me to the gun as if it were a magic wand, offering me the power I have always wanted.

I stand up, grab my headphones and put them back on, determined to regain control.

I need to believe that even this simple thing, shooting, can bring me back to myself.

Despite the fear I feel, a sense of decision overcomes me.

Although I am aware that this path may prove to be dangerous, I feel the need to challenge myself, to explore this new side of myself.

A vague thrill follows, pulling me forward, toward more discovery.

I turn to the range and concentrate. "Just one more time," I say to myself, promising to explore this path to the end.

I load the gun again, each round refilling me with the adrenaline I felt while shooting.

Standing naked and barefoot, wearing nothing but my shirt, in the middle of the shooting range, I am overcome by a sudden wave of excitement.

I am aware that I am attracted to this situation in a way I never expected.