Psycho

are you kidding me?

(I will say that the next few chapters like two chapters are going to be focused on our group of wannabe detectives so you understand what's going on with them cuz it's confusing if not I'm sorry)

Tanjirou’s POV

I sat up slowly, scanning the basement with cautious eyes. Honestly, for a kidnapped prisoner, this place wasn’t half bad—if you ignored the part where I was, you know, kidnapped. The room was decorated with surprising thoughtfulness.

The only thing out of place was a mysterious locked door that screamed “Escape!” but refused to cooperate when I jiggled the handle. I was just about to throw my best “I’m totally not panicking” expression when I heard footsteps from above. I quickly plopped down on the bed, trying to look as innocent as possible.

Muichiro pranced down the stairs with a grin that was equal parts unsettling and adorable. I tried not to think too much about the adorable part.

“Tanjirou-kun! I missed you!” he beamed, launching himself onto the bed next to me. I stayed silent, partly terrified, partly... nope, just terrified.

“Did you miss me?” His wide eyes were uncomfortably close.

“Y-yes,” I stammered, heart racing. Part of me meant it; the other part was screaming, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” fuck the Stockholm syndrome was hitting fast.

“Good!” he chirped, clapping his hands as if I’d just told him he won the lottery.

---

Yuzu’s POV

I blinked myself awake, only to be greeted by the dim light of what could generously be described as a basement and less generously as the set of a low-budget horror movie. The rest of my squad sat tied to chairs, some groaning, some glaring. The room was silent except for Zenitsu’s occasional whimpering.

“Ugh, my head...” I muttered, piecing together what happened. Right. MY GIRLFRIEND PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE. Note to self: re-evaluate relationship goals.

“Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty,” Kori said, oozing sarcasm. She was clearly thrilled to be here.

“How long have we been down here?” I asked.

“About two hours,” Yuki said, eyes closed as she leaned back like she was waiting for her spa appointment.

“It felt like three days,” Zenitsu whined, eyes darting around the room as if ghosts would appear at any moment.

“HOW COULD MISMATCH GIRL DO THIS?!” Inosuke roared, flailing like an angry fish.

“Calm down,” I said, trying to reason with myself as much as him. “Tsuki always has a reason for her chaos.” I glanced at the floor and my heart jumped into my throat. Blood. Bones. Shattered pieces. Did Tsuki actually... oh no...

“Did she... kill her?” Yuki asked, her voice low as if saying it out loud would make it real.

“I don’t want to be here,” Zenitsu squeaked, tears welling up.

“Will you all shut up for two seconds?” Kori snapped, effectively silencing everyone just as the basement door creaked open. Tsuki and Yuichiro stood at the top of the steps. Yuichiro, of course, looked smug, and Tsuki... wouldn’t meet our eyes. Oh great, here we go.

“Do your job and watch them,” Yuichiro said, giving Tsuki a light shove before waltzing away. A minute ticked by in silence until Tsuki finally looked up.

“How did I do?” she asked, grinning like a kid who just aced their school play.

“WHAT THE—do you mean acting?” I yelled, my disbelief making everyone flinch.

“Yeah, duh,” Tsuki said, rolling her eyes as she untied Zenitsu, who immediately made a noise that sounded like a deflating balloon.

“You mean... you weren’t serious?” Yuki asked.

“You really think I’d betray you for free?” Tsuki said with mock offense, moving on to untie Kori.

“Good acting,” Kori muttered, rubbing her wrists.

“Thanks. Sorry for the car thing. I needed to convince them I was on their side,” Tsuki said, scratching her head sheepishly.

“Did you have to punch me in the face?” I asked, scowling.

“To be fair, I was aiming for your stomach,” Tsuki deadpanned.

“Okay, but what really happened to Aki? And where’s Kouta?” I demanded.

“About that...” Tsuki laughed nervously before launching into a hasty explanation involving self-defense, accidental tripping, and unfortunate consequences.

“YOU KILLED THEM?!” Zenitsu shrieked, eyes bulging like an anime character’s.

“Technically, they tried to kill me first. So... self-defense?” Tsuki offered with a shrug. “Anyway, we have a plan. Follow me.”

She led us up the stairs and into Luna’s room. Tools, wood, and sharp implements were strewn everywhere. I was starting to think this family took home improvement a little too seriously.

Tsuki yanked a box out of the closet and flung it open to reveal an arsenal that could make an action movie star cry. “Pick a weapon.”

Inosuke didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed a double-ended sword and let out an excited cackle. Yuki picked up nunchucks, which she swung experimentally before smacking herself in the leg. Zenitsu grabbed a sword but kept staring at it like it might explode. Kori took a crossbow with a look that said, I’m never using this, but I want to look cool.

I grabbed an extendable pole and spun it. “Are we, like, mercenaries now?” I asked, glancing at Tsuki.

“Now get out of my sister’s room before she somehow finds out and comes back to haunt us,” Tsuki said, waving us out.

As everyone shuffled out, I lingered for a moment. I caught the whiff of something... unusual. I turned and saw Tsuki puffing on a joint, eyes unfocused.

“Tsuki, what the—when did you start smoking?” I yanked it out of her hands and crushed it under my foot.

“Since yesterday,” she mumbled, avoiding my eyes.

“Tsuki...” I sighed, placing a hand on her cheek to make her look up at me.

She blinked at me, startled, before breaking into a small, vulnerable smile. “Let’s go. They’re waiting.”