Love, Guns & Kayise

15.

15.

NTANDOKAYISE

As they say, every good thing always comes to an end. The weekend also ended and now we are on our way back home. We've done a lot of shopping though and he promised to bring me back here again.

My hand is intertwined with Muzikayise's hand as he drives. I take out my phone to snap a picture so that I can upload it on Instagram. Every girl in a relationship loves taking content, it all depend on who you are in a relationship with. I'm not ready for any drama so every picture I take with Muzi, I always make sure not to show his face but I think those who knows him, are going to recognise him with his tattoos like his wrist tattoo. I touch it after snapping the picture.

"What does Luna mean?" I've been meaning to ask him this. He has the word 'Luna' tattooed on his wrist.

"It means the moon." He briefly looks at me before focusing on the road. It's Sunday, around 1pm and we are on the N3 road heading home.

"You love the moon?" I scroll on my phone till I reach Instagram app and open it.

"I do." The only nature thing I love is water. I love the sea, I love the rain and I just love immersing myself inside water. I find it soothing. Maybe that's why my second name is Ulwandle. I wonder why my parents didn't just stick to Lwandle like any normal parents. I don't think any of my three names on my ID card are normal. Who names their kids, Ntandokayise Ulwandle Beatrice Vilakazi? So many initials. Beatrice is a name I want to bury six deep under and never see it again.

"Done." I say after uploading a picture of our intertwined hands. I haven't tagged him but the day he actually proposes to me, then I'll tag him proudly and the whole world—my five thousand eight hundred and two followers—will know that I'm in a relationship.

———

Just like I've asked him, Muzikayise decided to come to my home. I've alerted my dad and unfortunately he's out with his girlfriend. My aunt is out of the country and I feel like she's avoiding me because of my question the other day.

"So you grew up here?" Muzi ask when he gets out of the car. The house is so quiet but I know that our helper is at the backroom probably resting since we do almost everything ourselves in this house.

"I did. This house has the best memories of me as a kid." I could just picture me and Amahle terrorising Nkanyiso when we were young. Nkanyiso was that boy who was scared of everything when he was young. He only got to grow a backbone in his teenage hood. He used to get annoyed by me so much but I love my brother so much and I have always did. I was more like a big sister to him than he was a big brother to him.

"The last time I came here, I was just angry. Is this you?" He points at the large framed photo of me, Amahle and Nkanyiso on the wall. The wall is adorned with many photos of us and Amahle's art but this photo has been framed because it was taken when I was fifteen years and Amahle was eleven while Nkanyiso was seventeen. I call it 'Before we separated', because after that year, Nkanyiso went to varsity.

"Yeah. I was the most annoying teenager believe me. I used to sneak out a lot." I laugh at how I used to be a headache to my family. The only thing I haven't experienced as a teenager is pregnancy because my aunt made sure I knew how to protect my self from sexual diseases and pregnancy.

"You're still annoying even now. So where's the rest of your crew?" His eyes were lingering on the framed photo.

I picked up an urn and gave it to him. It was a gold urn decorated in blue diamonds. He was suprised when I gave it to him.

"What is this?"

"This is Nkanyiso Zikhali." I say with a smile not missing the confused look on his face.

"What do you mean?"

"Well my brother went to study at KIU, Kampala International University in Tanzania after he passed his matric." I put back the urn where it was.

"With a rich father who could sponsor him at any university he wanted to go to, Nkanyiso chose to leave the country and my father did not hesitate to find him accommodation there after he was accepted. Everything was okay and he was a student at KIU. I used to call him every night because i missed him but he didn't like that so he changed his number but he would send me an email once a week with pictures of the places he went to. He didn't come back on holidays but he promised to come back on December that year but he never made it. His emails were scarce and my father had to go to Tanzania to check up on him. He found him all good and he said he was just too busy with school studies. We all knew what a nerd Nkanyiso was so we let him surf on his wave of independence and freedom but little did we know what would happen." We've moved to the couch now and Muzi is listening attentively at what I'm saying.

"Nkanyiso got involved with the wrong crowd and was expelled at the university when my dad went to find him, he had moved out of the house dad bought for him and was nowhere to be found. I send him almost five emails everyday telling him how worried I was then suddenly one day I received a video call and it was from him. People were chasing him and he was scared then the phone fell and we lost communication. We traced the phone to the place he used to stay at then we heard that he was a drug dealer and they were burned. They gave us his ashes and my dad believes that is Nkanyiso but I don't."

"Why?"

"My brother is not the dying type and as long as I haven't seen his body then I'll never believe he's no more. I know that he's still out there, probably trying to reach out but I know that one day he will." Muzi sits next to me and hugs me.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm still searching for him and I won't stop until I die." As long as I'm alive, Nkanyiso is also alive.

"Do you want me to help you? I have connections in Tanzania."

"That would be great." Having him help me, might just find Nkanyiso quicker. If he's dead, why isn't he reaching out to me in my dreams. I've never dreamt about Amahle either but at least I saw Amahle's body with my own two eyes. I was the one who bathed her at the mortuary and helped her wear her favourite clothes. I held her dead body in my arms, too numb to even cry because I knew that along with her death, so died my conscience. Whoever killed her, will face my wrath. I'll make sure I shoot to kill.