Lost In The Storm

Chapter 5: The Turning Point

High school is never easy...that's no secret...everyone has their own struggles with it...I certainly did.

At the beginning of ninth grade COVID was still happening.

I was doing online school for the first couple of months..

It was difficult doing online for me but I tried to stick with it...

After being isolated for so long I was terrified to go out to the real world again.

I was doing poorly online so my mom forced me to go back...

When I went back to school I was nervous but I felt better knowing I would be able to use a mask to hide my face the entire time.

My best friend, Matteo, was still online and I was so excited to see him again..

Once he came back to school he didn't exactly acknowledge me...he was always hanging out with another girl named Trinity.. and acted like I didn't exist.

Finally I went to talk to him and I had to hang out with the other girl as well..since she was friends with him I decided to give it a go and try and be friends with her.

One day we all sat together including another guy named Mason.

Trinity was absolutely rude and disrespectful towards me and Mason..I tried being nice till she brings up how I'm nothing and no wonder I'm alone...

Me and her get into an argument over how she should watch how she talks to me and Mason and she starts cussing me out.

That's when Matteo texts me from across the table telling me to stop acting like a bitch.

At that moment I stayed quiet not wanting to jeopardize our friendship..we have been friends for ten years at this point.

Trinity however hated my guts by this time and forbid Matteo from talking to me.

He listened to her and out of nowhere he blocks me and now I'm alone...

I started staying during lunch in my math teachers classroom..he was the only one who was kind to me and he was basically my only friend.

I walked through the halls with my head low always wearing the same black hoodie listening to any depressing artist I could find.

I felt alone...like no one understood me nor did they care...I eventually got used to it..

I got back into my cutting and rarely eating...my teacher would always try to share his lunches with me cause he never saw me eat but I always told him I wasn't hungry...

I didnt want him to worry I guess...he was just a really amazing person...

Eventually Matteo unblocked me and we started talking again...he said he missed me but we had to keep our friendship secret...

He would be mean tell me I'm an idiot or he would tell me to shut up and stay away whenever Trinity was around...but when we were by ourselves he was the same person I met in kindergarten..

I didn't want to lose him so I went along with it..

Trinity would stay nearby to make sure me and Matteo weren't talking and if we were she would say hurtful things to him so he would just do whatever she said..

Time went on and my math teacher was the only friend I had and my actual best friend kept me a secret..

Things with my mom were getting worse and she would constantly put me down over school..

I have always been a slow learner..when it came to school or actual working...I was scared to ask for help because I don't want people thinking I can't do it..

I wanted people to think I was smart and that I knew what I was doing...

I was at the lowest point in my ninth grade year...for the first time...suicide came to mind..

Constantly fighting with my mom..no good relationship with my brother, no friends, always doing poorly in school..I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life..I still dont...who would actually notice if I was gone?

I still have my moment and think that way but I stay for the few people I know need me .

I listen to friends vent and put together original songs so I can record and send them hoping to cheer them all up.

Ninth grade passed and then came the worst year of my entire life...

In tenth grade things went even darker...Matteo started being mean to me even more and eventually I cut him off over how he treated me..

I did so much just for him to fuck me over in the long run.

I met a friend named Deliz and I really loved her...then came Hailey and Peyton.

Deliz and me became close and....one day I met a guy named Michael....I liked him and he seemed to like me....

I started liking him and Deliz stopped talking to me when she found out I was talking to him..but she didn't say anything.

After talking to him for a few months...he wanted to meet me somewhere..

We went to a private room in the school and that's when his sweet personality turned to a little bit of aggression...

He shoved me against the wall and tried to force himself to on me...

I was furious and scared I shoved him away and ran upstairs to my first period class... where I saw Deliz..

I was crying and told her what happened...

She turned to me and said "that's what you get..for talking to my ex boyfriend"

I froze for a minute in confusion...it turned out mickey was her ex and he has done this kind of thing to many other girls...and she knew..

She told me i deserved it and brought it on myself..

  I was hurt but I didn't tell anyone about what mickey did to me..I felt like no one would believe me nor would they care so I let it be..

The rest of the year these girls Hailey and Peyton had on and off drama with me.

Hailey and me were friends on and off while Peyton wasn't happy..she kept taking pictures of me and spreading rumors...

As for mickey..? Well he was laughing at me and telling all of his buddies how me and him had some fun together.

People kept calling me a slut or taking pictures of me or spreading rumors...it was humiliating...during that year I was used for money...people used me as their drivers..and I let them..

I was so desperate for someone to want me or to want to be friends with me....no matter what I had to do..

I told my parents I didn't want to go to this school anymore and my dad understood but my mom was angry at me for wanting her to do all of this extra work over some "bullies"..but she didn't know the half of it.

They made arrangements since my mom is a teacher for another county and I got sent over to another school for my junior year..

I will never forget what happened even though it's in the past...I still try to move on and I'm sure I will eventually.