FRAGMENTS ; Simon Riley

Chapter 18.

ROSALIE.

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"Your eyes hold everything my soul thirsts for."

THERE was a calming silence in the bedroom where he and I lay after a second round that was much calmer than the last. I had my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, which was very relaxing. I often found myself falling into the same situations with Simon, I didn't know how or why. But I knew that I never wanted to stop.

I felt his fingertips brush against my bare back, tracing my spine, all the way to the nape of my neck, where he twisted a few strands of my hair around his fingers, playing with them delicately.

Neither of us had said a word yet, but we found ourselves lying there in the shared moment, our scents mingling with the heated moment that had just ended. I had a series of confusions to confess to him, I needed to remove doubts from my head, but at the same time I didn't want to ruin the tranquility.

And when would I ever find the right moment if not now? We were always busy at the base, we still had to find the enemy. 

And so, I broke the silence.

"What about your wife?" I asked him, letting my stern tone slip out of my voice. His fingers locked in my hair, he stopped breathing for a couple of seconds, before sighing loudly. Did he just..? I was talking about respect here. This man.

"There's no wife."

This time it was me who froze, before raising my head to look at him. "Don't fuck with me, Simon."

Finally, I pulled away from him and sat up, covering my naked body with the sheets. My hair slipped from his fingers and fell down my back like a waterfall, "Who's Claire then?" She could only be his wife--if not a wife, then a girlfriend.

He seemed to think about it for a moment. A hand rested on the ring hanging from the chain, his eyes rested on a spot on the wall, and by chance, a specific one, where a previously hung photo seemed to be missing. "She's.. a friend. Someone who tried to replace my wife." He explained to me calmly, in a hoarse, soothing voice.

I watched him carefully, trying to read the thousand emotions that decorated his irises. He was married after all. It didn't justify his actions.

I opened my mouth to argue, but he beat me to it. "My wife has been missing from my life, for two years,"

My heart ached, my gaze softened.

"I'm not divorced, nor separated. Sometimes I can't even swallow the reality, the fact that she slipped through my fingers, and it's not even our fault." He spoke in a low voice, as if he couldn't explain to me what had happened with all sincerity. 

A lump formed in my throat, for a moment a migraine hit me, a little pain formed in my heart at his sorrowful words. "..What happened?" I asked him, with a little hesitation. Our eyes met, and like a flash, his gaze softened. With one hand, he caressed my cheek, gently as if I were fragile.

"You know.. she was pregnant. Three months far. We were so scared, so happy. It was our little miracle."

Tears formed in my eyes unexpectedly. Oh my God.

"It all happened so fast. I lost both of them, and all I was left with was the memories of her and an ultrasound." He was about to cry with me. But I didn't even know why I felt that way. "And I'm still waiting for her to be back."

❀

We never saw each other again after that day. Before I could ask him anything else, an emergency broke out at the base and we had to separate. Another team was sent to continue the operation, with the previously recovered USB we had obtained further information about the enemy and his position.

I, being also a doctor, was sent to the shelter to help the wounded soldiers, since there was a lack of personnel. The task force instead had to continue with the mission without me.

The place was occupied by numerous soldiers. Their groans of pain circulated in the air, heavy, mixed with the strong smell of disinfectant and fresh blood. 

It was quite a tough scene for someone who wasn't used to this field, but I got used to it again right away. I didn't have time, I didn't have to lose lives between my fingers. I worked hard, without stopping, between amputations and stitches, between reassurances and patience.

I had no news from my group, I just knew that we were in the same country, in the same base, but in different wings. I had no time to rest, to have a decent meal or to remember about the pills. I was too busy with my work that I neglected my health without even realizing it, and so on for a whole week. They kept sending special teams to fight the enemies, just to have more patients at the shelter. It was a fucking inhuman disaster.

Yet today, I was sent to rest in one of the base's quarters.

I still had the adrenaline coursing through my veins, the terror that the wounded had given me. I couldn't sleep a wink. And just then I remembered the pills I had forgotten in my bag. For days my mind had been buzzing with strange voices, memories that seemed like daydreams.

That same voice that tormented my thoughts, even when I was awake.