One time ❤️

Wake up

Big tw of suicide mention.
Sorry I'm advance.
Don't read if you feel you can't xx
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It was the day of our leaving party. I was excited too see everyone but also knew this would be it for a while. And I had a plan for much later. Maybe something could sway it.
This summer had been terrible and I just hope for a better life in Barcelona.
It's not like my life is bad, I have two amazing mums, a lovely house and much more but something in me is just empty.

I was once this young girl who would skip around all camp with my mums teammates and cause havoc by talking too much. Now I can barely let out a smile. I like to blame it on the night of my sa but I know full well it started before that.

I was no longer waking up in the tight grip of my mums arms but instead the loneliness of my room. The house filled with cries from Noah once again.

Knock. Knock.

"Hey Chloe" Keira beamed at me while opening the door.
"People are coming round in an hour. You okay getting up?" She asked softly.
"Yeah I'm good. Thanks kei"

I love Keira. She knows what to say and when to say it and I'm so thankful for that. Since day 1 I've known I can rely on her as much as I can Lucy.

I walked downstairs just in time as I heard the door knock and my nose filled with the smell of cake.

I grabbed a place on the sofa before people were let in so I didn't end up on the floor. I know I will be by the end of the night though. Lucy claims there's an age rule or something.

First to arrive were the Arsenal lot- Leah and beth.
"Where's my favourite person" beth shouted.
"I'm right here" Lucy laughed out.
I watched as beth shoved Lucy out the way and ran over to me like a lost toddler finding their mum.
"HI" she beamed, picking me up and spinning me round.
"Hey beth" I smiled back at her.

She started to engage in conversation with Keira so I took my chance to sprint into the front room. As soon as I saw Leah I ran into her almost knocking her over. She embraced me in a hug.
Leah basically new everything going on with me and I had allowed Lucy to tell her about the other night.
If anyone other than my mums wanted to help me then it would be Leah.
"Hi sweetie"

After that everyone started to arrive and my once sofa spot was very quickly occupied.
"Tooneyyyy that's my place" I moaned.
"Too slow it's mine now" she chuckled back.
I jokingly rolled my eyes before sitting on the floor next to Lucy's legs.
She placed a hand on my shoulder before picking me up from under my arms. She sat me on her lap and I just rested my head onto her chest.

They started to play a game of charades and everyone laughed their heads off. I sat their with a smile on my face. It was hard though. The smile kept breaking and I just needed to cry. They hadn't made me want to cry but I was just so mentally gone. 5 months ago I would of been in hysterics laughing louder than anyone else. Now all I could do was think about the stinging sensation from my stomach. Did I crave more?
I kept feeling gazes on me so I'd decided to fake laugh, convincing some of the worried looks.

"Your turn little Bronze" I looked up to see all eyes on me.
"Yeah no thanks" I smiled out.
"No fun" earps exaggerated.
They carried on there shenanigans and I began to drift away.

I was walking towards my bed, paracetamol in hand. It had all got to much. My time had come. I had one thing left to do and that was to finalise it. I gulped some water down before placing the first 3 tablets in my mouth. I had to go through with this later.