𝘛𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 / 𝘱𝘰𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬

𝘖𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘣𝘦𝘳 12

I spent my life doing nothing since October 12. 

I slept, school, eat repeat. Why did I do nothing since the 12th to October? what happened that I tortured myself to the point of becoming friendless?

 I was likeable, I was loved, but I was nothing. I was an npc in a world of main characters, expect I didn't know I was one. I thought I was something, I wanted I ached, I breathed, I begged, I screamed to be something.

 but what am I? a child who didn't get to be a child. A girl who never felt feminine. A person who never got to feel human. Forced out of my mother, was I asked if I wanted to live? was I asked how I felt, no.

I was born to be something, but of course, I could not outshine mommy in any way, she would get so mad. I couldn't be skinnier or prettier than her or feel bad about myself, because then I will be her, and she has to be the only her. 

Out of nowhere, I thought a boy loved me, and I loved him too. He didn't show any sign of love but I thought his lies and careless words were proof to prove me wrong, I was in fact, not unlovable. 

I was a person. me, the soul damned to be hopeless, was lovable, until I wasn't. Until I realized it was all a stupid lie for attention, I was not who he wanted but the only choice he had for himself. I thought I deserved so low that I couldn't see it, I thought I was so less. but it was a lie, all in vain.

 And that was October 12, the day my life ended, the day my love died. I will never feel full again.