𝘛𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 / 𝘱𝘰𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬

𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘦

disclaimer - this might be the longest poem I ever wrote, but I swear bro It's worth the reading

I remember being in the hospital. I remember the nurses wanting to cut through my skull, crack it open, empty it and refill. Drop and rebuild. Crack and seal.

Five holes through my arm, I'll feel better. I'll feel nothing, of course, that's what my nine year old self only heard. She heard that they want to make her better. She didn't want to be better. She wanted to live. What did she want, really? She wanted to live, she really did. And those nurses wouldn't let her, obviously.

She'd be kept in chains and stuck over the thought that it might happen over and over if she can't overcome it on her own.

So she ran away. It seemed like the best solution at the time, I understood it completely. She tried to escape the evil nurses wanting to open and close, break and build, build and break.

She wanted to feel like she's okay. She wanted to feel like she's like everyone else. She wanted to feel like she's alive. She remembered them telling her mother to grab her, she remembered her mother grabbing her.

She remembered that day when they didn't care and that time when they told her the truth. Or at least showed her the truth, in their own little special way. That little angry kid, she just wanted to feel okay. She wanted to live, she wanted to scream and say. But what happened when she heard the words over and over till she shut out that one day? She realized she's not living like all the other kids always say.

Mom and daddy always fight, over her cause she's a pain. And she knows that she' a pain. But what did that little angry girl want really? To never see those evil nurses and for them to go away, never see her 'family' again, Never have to feel like she's too much, for what they think they can.

To not think she's living painfully in her own dumb special way, That girl, She just wanted to feel okay. Not be stuck in the chain

That little angry kid, She just wanted to feel sane.