It's Just Me

10 - School Again

Monday morning, five thirty AM. I usually didn't wake up at five in the morning, but nerves had refused to let sleep any longer. And it didn't help that I woke up to a panic attack, like I have been lately. Stupid ass anxiety.

I took turns between pacing in my room to sitting in my bed with my hands in my face. I also debated between turning my light on or keeping it off. Then I started to panic that I was waking people up. Let's just say I turned into a quiet, panicked, shaking mess.

At six AM, a knock on my door startled me, and I reluctantly went to my door, opening it up a crack. Joel was standing on the other side, a kind look on his face.

"Am I that loud?" I quietly asked, a sheepish look on my face.

"No, I knew you would be up doing this." Joel answered. "Need to talk?"

"Yeah." I sigh, resting my head on the door frame. "That'd be nice."

"Alright, come on." Joel says, walking back down the hall towards the kitchen. I debated trying to hide back in my room, but I regrettably knew that doing that wouldn't help, and so I followed Joel out to the kitchen.

Joel had begun the coffee maker by the time I sat down at the bar, stopping the spinning stool on it's tracks. "What's up?" He asked, holding an empty mug.

"I keep having my panic attacks."

"Go on." Joel said, sipping from his mug.

"There is nothing in that." I nod towards the mug.

"You're correct..." Joel responded, moving the mug back and forth in his hand. "Now what's up."

"I don't know, it's just, in my room, and even at the office, I can live in ignorance of the fact of Skye is gone. But at school-" I paused to calm down as my breath became shakey and fast. Joel took the opportunity to pour him some coffee, coming back with a comforting hand on mine.

"You don't have to go in today." Joel said, making me chuckle.

"Yes, and Dad would totally allow that."

"Well, I guess good cop isn't winning this round." Joel said with a swig of coffee.

"Guess not." I say with a small smile.

"Damn," I heard Michael's voice from the hall. He walked into the kitchen and took a mug out of the cupboard. "I was hoping for an early morning fight."

"Let's save the anger for Gavin, I heard Geoff saying you have three Let's Plays to record."

"A Let's Play, a Go, and a Versus. And an AHWU I guess." Michael corrects, drowning his coffee in sugar. "Hey kid, wanna do a Rage Quit with me tomorrow?"

"Sure." I said, tracing circles in the counter top.

"Oh, and you're going to school. All five days." Michael reaffirmed.

"I know."

~

I fucking hate school.

Not the '7 am is too early to be up' or 'it's too much work' hate.

The 'my best friend died and everyone is avoiding me like I have the fucking plague' hate.

Which is absolutely great how everyone parted like the Red Sea when I was walking down the hall.

Even the teachers had repeated the same thing, saying 'I am so sorry, its awful, you can go to the guidance counselor if you need to' and refused to call on me when I raised my hand. The only benefit was Molly flat up ignoring me, along with the rest of her crew.

By the way, Lunch is awful alone. Just in case you were wondering.